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Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and sense of community, instead of visiting people or talking with our family, we just watch television. What is your opinion?

Television destroys family life and sense of community, however, I disagree with the given statement because, in my opinion, it makes both of them stronger than before the invention of TV. On the one hand, watching TV lead to having a stronger family instead of the destroyed one. The TV program can easily get together family members in the TV room to watch a program. For example, they can watch got talent show and experience excitement and enjoy time besides their family, or for younger parents who watch cartoons with their children, sometimes the program interrupts by toys commercial advertisements. These toys commercial can lead them to go to the shopping mall with their children, so it is crystal clear that children will be satisfied and happy that their parents spent time for them and love them. On the other hand, a TV program can raise the general knowledge of society. For instance, presidential election TV program leads society to see and understand the daily issues such as political and economic community matters. So that, voters can choose and vote to the person who can solve, manage and control both inside and outside related country's issues. After that, in election day it will be seen millions of votes inside the boxes. It is obviously impossible and inaccessible without a powerful broadcasting TV program. Therefore, the TV could raise sight and consciousness of society and a sense of community to come and vote to make a better society. In conclusion, both in relationship and consciousness, a TV program can be a magic wand to make a better situation between family members and community individuals.
Television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life and sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
,
however
, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in my opinion, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
both of them stronger than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the invention of TV.

On the one hand, watching TV lead to having a stronger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
instead
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
one. The TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members in the TV room to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
.
For example
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and experience excitement and enjoy time
besides
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, or for younger parents who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cartoons with their children,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
interrupts by toys commercial advertisements. These toys commercial can lead them to go to the shopping mall with their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that children will
be satisfied
and happy that their parents spent time for them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
them.

On the other hand
, a TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
can raise the general knowledge of society.
For instance
, presidential election TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
leads society to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and understand the daily issues such as political and economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
matters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, voters can choose and vote to the person who can solve, manage and control both inside and outside related country's issues. After that, in election day it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
millions of votes inside the boxes. It is
obviously
impossible and inaccessible without a powerful broadcasting TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
.
Therefore
, the TV could raise sight and consciousness of society and a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and vote to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better society.

In conclusion
, both in relationship and consciousness, a TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
can be a magic wand to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better situation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
individuals.
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IELTS essay Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and sense of community, instead of visiting people or talking with our family, we just watch television. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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