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It is more important for school children to learn about their local history than world history. Do you agree or disagree

It is argue that local history is more important than world history to learn for school students. I degree with this statement because world history contains a lot of information than local history that important for children studies, and then there are a number of famous people and artist had made history by their unique work in earlier. World history contains a lot of ancient stories than local history, there are many discoveries invented in the past all have significant role on the children growth. For instance, the purple color invented by China and established their double - sword edges on the one hand, it showed various uses how people had used and made dyes, on the other hand, it was used in detection of malaria viruses present in the humans bodies. Furthermore, there was a number of famous people and artist who made history by invented antique materials, some of them still have favorable impacts in the globe. These discoveries are become inspiration and motivational for children. For instance, Moana, portrait painting created by an artist, still inspires many artist, till now no any other artists have created same as it was created in earlier age. In conclusion, world history have various old stories that wide children' ideas, and then many artists' works can become inspirational for school students. For these reasons I completely disagree that in schools children should learn more about local history then world history.
It is
Consider using either the past participle “argued” or the present participle “arguing” here.
argue
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
to learn for school students.
It seems that a verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here. Please verify.
I degree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
studies, and then there are a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
had made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
by their unique work in earlier.

World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
ancient stories than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
discoveries invented in the past all have significant role on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
growth.
For instance
, the purple color invented by China and established their double
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
sword edges on the one hand, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and made dyes,
on the other hand
, it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in detection of malaria viruses present in the humans bodies.

Furthermore
, there was a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
who made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
by invented antique materials,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
still
have favorable impacts in the globe. These discoveries
are become
inspiration and motivational for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moana
, portrait painting created by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
,
still
inspires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
, till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
no any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have created same as it
was created
in earlier age.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
have various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
stories that wide children'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, and then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
artists' works can become inspirational for school students. For these reasons I completely disagree that in schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
Did you mean “than”? Please check.
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
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IELTS essay It is more important for school children to learn about their local history than world history.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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