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Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. plq2
Owing to the constant development of the television set and its running programmes, some people have stated that it occupies all of people’s leisure-time which can cause people to be slothful and hinder them from socialising with others. However, while I believe that television has its positive aspects, I strongly agree with the above statement. To begin with, a positive impact of television is individuals being able to have more gratifying free-time by indulging in interesting TV shows. For instance, the availability of multiple genres of programmes on the television such as sci-fi, romance and thriller gives people options to choose something they actually enjoy. Another positive impact is faster communication of important news to people. News channels can easily pass worldwide information, which brings about knowledge expansion. In spite of the advantages, let us take a look at why I agree with the aforementioned disadvantages. Television causing laziness and deterring people from interacting with others during their free-time can be detrimental to both individuals and the society as a whole. For example, some people binge-watch their favourite shows for hours or days without carrying out other activities like eating well, bathing and brushing their teeth, which are all necessary for good personal hygiene. This can cause health problems for them. Also, the fact that it hinders people from socialising means that it negatively affects forming or maintaining close and supportive relationships which consequently, will affect the society as a whole as it will become disjointed. To sum these up, we can see that in as much as television has its positive sides as it can be pleasurable and educative, there can also be negative impacts on individuals and the society. Therefore, people should manage their free-time well and make room for other important aspects of their lives.
Owing to the constant development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
set and its running
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have stated that it occupies all of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
leisure-time which can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be slothful and hinder them from
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
with others.
However
, while I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
aspects, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is individuals being able to have more

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
gratifying
free-time by indulging in interesting TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
For instance
, the availability of multiple genres of
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
such as sci-fi, romance and thriller gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
options
to choose something they actually enjoy. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
impact is faster communication of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
news to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. News channels can
easily
pass worldwide information, which brings about knowledge expansion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the advantages,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us take a look at why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the aforementioned

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
disadvantages
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
causing laziness and deterring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from interacting with others during their free-time can be detrimental to both individuals and the society as a whole.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
binge-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
for hours or days without carrying out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities like eating well, bathing and brushing their teeth, which are all necessary for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
personal hygiene. This can cause health problems for them.
Also
, the fact that it hinders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
means that it
negatively
affects forming or maintaining close and supportive relationships which
consequently
, will affect the society as a whole as it will become disjointed.

To sum these up, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that in as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
sides as it

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
can
be pleasurable and educative, there can
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on individuals and the society.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should manage their free-time well and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
room for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others.

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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