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Some people believe that non-academic subjects should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate only on academics. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that non-academic subjects should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate only on academics. bwB3
Academic subjects are very important for a student. It is the basic requirement which is required by one to get a good job, a placement in a good college, etc. In addition to this, children should also be taught. non-academic subjects which will in turn help in the overall development of the child. However, some individuals think that for children to concentrate well on their academics, non-academic subjects should not be included in their syllabus. Though, this poses some advantages, some disadvantages should also be taken into consideration. Firstly, for students to gain more knowledge and to know how to think and analyze a problem, academic subjects play a major role. For example, subjects like mathematics and physics help a student to improve their time management skills and also their problem-solving skills. Secondly, when academic subjects are given more importance, there are possibilities for students to focus only on them and not on non-academic subjects which is also important. Concentrating only on academic subjects can also pose some negative impacts on the students. Firstly, a student learning only his academic subjects can also cause stress. Secondly, students won’t get a chance to showcase their talents. For example, if he/she is good at singing, he/she should be provided an opportunity to learn more about it. Therefore, importance to non-academic subjects should also be given. Thus, in my view, I disagree that non- academic subjects should be removed from the syllabus so that children can focus more on the academic subjects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. It is the basic requirement which
is required
by one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job, a placement in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
college, etc.
In addition
to this, children should
also
be taught
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which will in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the
overall
development of the child.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that for children to concentrate well on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
, non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should not
be included
in their syllabus. Though, this poses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages should
also
be taken
into consideration.

Firstly
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain more knowledge and to know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and analyze a problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
play a major role.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like mathematics and physics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their time management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
also
their problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Secondly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more importance, there are possibilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on them and not on non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Concentrating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can
also
pose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can
also
cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
won’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to showcase their talents.
For example
, if he/she is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at singing, he/she should
be provided
an opportunity to learn more about it.
Therefore
, importance to non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

Thus
, in my view, I disagree that non-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be removed
from the syllabus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that children can focus more on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that non-academic subjects should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate only on academics.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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