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In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?

In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. RodW
Nowadays, people go to malls for both shopping and entertainment. And many people think that in the future, the main reason for going to malls is entertainment. But even so, my opinion is that shops will survive in malls without being replaced by entertaining facilities. These days, especially in this epidemic time recently, people usually shopping online. For them, malls are more likely a place for entertainment than to shop. There are several means of entertainment you can visit when you go to malls. For example, you can go to the gym, clinic, arcade-game area, cinema, … all in one place. Normally, malls have some advantages for people who like to shop compared with shopping online. It allows people to enjoy shopping with their family or friends. Shopping in malls also help them to avoid some drawback of shopping online. For example, you can check the size, quality, condition of the goods by yourself or you can have the staff help you out with your buying experience immediately. Furthermore, shops is kind of an character of the mall, without it shopping malls will lose it concept. It true that, buying stuff is not a main thing you do when you go the malls like it used to back then. But shopping in the mall now is consider a way to entertain for some people. I think that shops will not lose their place in malls in the future. Although entertainment facilities will surely increase, malls are still going to have shops and entertainment under one roof.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and entertainment. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that in the future, the main reason for going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
is entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, my opinion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will survive in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
without
being replaced
by entertaining facilities.

These days,
especially
in this epidemic time recently,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
online. For them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are more likely a place for entertainment than to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
. There are several means of entertainment you can visit when you go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
For example
, you can go to the gym, clinic, arcade-game area, cinema, … all in one place.

Normally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
online. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
with their family or friends.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawback of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
online.
For example
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the size, quality, condition of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
by yourself or you can have the staff
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you out with your buying experience immediately.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
is
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'an' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of an
character of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
, without it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
will lose it concept. It true that, buying stuff is not a main thing you do when you go the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
like it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to back then.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
a way to entertain for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will not lose their place in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
in the future. Although entertainment facilities will
surely
increase,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are
still
going to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and entertainment under one roof.
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IELTS essay In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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