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Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. ggkg
television is one of most common pass time entertainment's for many people across the globe. whether its the reason for people to become lazy and preventing them from participating in social activities is debatable topic. Television is one of the greatest inventions of mankind. It not only helps people to be entertained but also be well informed about various global affairs almost in real time. it is a known fact the television sets have become very much affordable and common almost everywhere in the world, it has almost become a necessity for every family to own one in their household. There are various programs catering not just for adults but for young children as well. these programs are not just about entertainment but serve as an educational medium which can reach larger audience. although there are various advantages with this invention, there are also some ill effects due to over usage of television. due to the fact that it has become an easy source of entertainment many people's first choice is to turn on the televison during there free time. and also due to the huge variety of programs that are available people can never get enough of it. this inturn has people's overall lifestyle. other social activities will require people to come out of their comfort zone to participate in group and socialize with other people, where as a television program can be enjoyed alone in the comfort of their home. not only the adults but even children are more addicted to telivision now a days. its very much the responsiblity of the parents to set restricted time slots for children to enjoy television. it is indirectly not only having a bad effect of people's social life but also on their health, more and more people are becoming lazy due to this easy source of entertainment and are not moving their body as much as our ancestors used to. this has resulted in obesity and various health problems. in conclusion I would say that overusage of anything can be harmful for us. people should take up new hobbies to keep themselves occupied and entertained other than just watching television for hours.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
television
is one of most common pass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
entertainment's for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe.
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whether
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
the reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
lazy and preventing them from participating in social activities is debatable topic.

Television is one of the greatest inventions of mankind. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be entertained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
about
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various
global affairs almost in real
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time
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is a known fact the
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television
sets have
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become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much affordable and common almost everywhere in the world, it has almost
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become
a necessity for every family to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
one in their household. There are
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various
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programs
catering not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for adults
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but
for young children
as well
.
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these
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programs
are not
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just
about entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
serve as an educational medium which can reach larger audience.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
there are
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various
advantages with this invention, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ill effects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to over usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
due
to the fact that it has
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become
an easy source of entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
first
choice is to turn on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
televison
during there free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the huge variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
that are available
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people
can never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
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enough
of it. this
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inturn
has
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people
's
overall
lifestyle.
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other
social activities will require
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people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their comfort zone to participate in group and socialize with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
can
be enjoyed
alone in the comfort of their home.
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not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the adults
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but
even children are more addicted to
Possible spelling mistake found.
telivision
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much the
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
of the parents to set restricted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
slots for children to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
indirectly
not
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only
having a
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bad
effect of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's social life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on their health, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming lazy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this easy source of entertainment and are not moving their body as much as our ancestors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to. this has resulted in obesity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
health problems.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, I".
conclusion I
would say that
Possible spelling mistake found.
overusage
of anything can be harmful for us.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take up new hobbies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves occupied and entertained other than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for hours.
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IELTS essay Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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