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televised talent competitions have become prevalent in many communities

televised talent competitions have become prevalent in many communities le1oo
Nowadays, televised talent competitions have become prevalent in many communities. While some are of the opinion that these shows a useful way of discovering skilled people, some people find it merely amusing. I believe that these programs pave the way for finding talented people as well as include entertainment. This issue is controversial. On the one hand, there are myriad talent shows that involve various skills in different countries. Some people have innate abilities and they want to exhibit their abilities. Therefore, they attend this kind of show and compete in diverse areas. For instance, there is a cooking show in my country. People who are skillful in cooking take part in a contest against their rivals. Winning people are awarded something that comes in handy in their areas at the end of the competitions. Thus, these people are recognized by other people. On the other hand, some people believe that talent competitions include just fun. People who participate in these shows aim just to be popular. Meanwhile, talent shows cannot make it easy that discover special skills. They are held just for amusement. If people really want to exhibit special talents, they should take a quality education and present to the right people who are interested in their skills instead of attending talent shows. The answer, I feel, lies somewhere in the middle. However, I believe that if these talent contests are arranged properly, skilled people take the opportunity to set out their stall. Also, I think that including entertainment is not a bad idea. These shows can contain both discovering talented people and fun.
Nowadays, televised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
competitions have become prevalent in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are of the opinion that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
a useful way of discovering skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it
merely
amusing. I believe that these programs pave the way for finding talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as include entertainment. This issue is controversial.

On the one hand, there are myriad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
that involve various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have innate
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
abilities and
they want to exhibit their abilities.
Therefore
, they attend this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
and compete in diverse areas.
For instance
, there is a cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
in my country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are skillful in cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in a contest against their rivals. Winning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are awarded
something that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in handy in their areas at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the competitions.
Thus
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are recognized
by other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
competitions include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
fun.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who participate in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
aim
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to be popular. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easy that discover special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They
are held
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for amusement. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
want to exhibit special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
, they should take a quality education and present to the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are interested
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
instead
of attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.

The answer, I feel, lies somewhere in the middle.
However
, I believe that if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
contests
are arranged
properly
, skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take the opportunity to set out their stall.
Also
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that including entertainment is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
can contain both discovering talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and fun.
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IELTS essay televised talent competitions have become prevalent in many communities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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