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Do you agree or disagree the statement: Having jobs with low paying salary and being high stable is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lose

: Having jobs with low paying salary and being high stable is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lose oR50b
The salary of high paid job has never appealed to me. Why some people always go into rapture at the mere mention of money is beyond me. In my opinion, if I have to tolerate the anxiety of losing job with high income at any time, I would rather choose the job with low salary as long as it is more secure. My arguments for this point are listed as follows. First of all, even in low paid job we can find ourselves. Salary should not serve as the only criterion for job. To measure whether a job is worthy, you should ask yourself whether you have passion in it and whether it assists you in self-ac. . .
The salary of high paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has never appealed to me. Why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always go into rapture at the mere mention of money is beyond me. In my opinion, if I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
tolerate the anxiety of losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with high income at any time, I would
rather
choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with low salary as long as it is more secure. My arguments for this point
are listed
as follows.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, even in low paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
we can find ourselves. Salary should not serve as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
criterion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. To measure whether a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is worthy, you should ask yourself whether you have passion in it and whether it assists you in self-ac.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay : Having jobs with low paying salary and being high stable is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lose

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
119 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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