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Telecommuting has made it possible for many people to do their work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of these system of working?

Telecommuting has made it possible for many people to do their work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of these system of working? aAAJo
In this era, technology is improving day by day. It’s really helpful for us. Is gives us so many facilities. However, nowadays telecommuting has made it possible for many people to do their work from home. In this essay, I will discuss both views advantages and disadvantages of this system. To commence with advantages that one can do work without neglecting home or children. Hence, technology is marvel for us. Although, some people are not capable to do work by going outside such as offices. Another side, married womens have not enought time to go anywhere regularly. So, they feel comfortable to do work from home. For instance my aunt is manager in multinational company and her company has very far away. She waste her 4 hours in traveling to go to office and home. Some time it would be major issue. So, it is good option to work home online by internet technology they full fill their obligations. On the other hand telecommuting has made our convenient life. But there are a lot of drawbacks of this system. When people do work from home it reduces social interaction. They have not much knowledge of outsider people Besides masses have no any friend group for sharing their working life. Sometimes mon do not know about their working groups. Secondly, it would affect on their working life or personal life. To conclude technology is beneficial and helpful, but should not overuse. According to me, we should use the telecommuting system, but then, when anyone is not capable to do work to go outside. Otherwise it gives us bad effect on our life
In this era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is improving day by day. It’s
really
helpful for us. Is gives us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities.
However
, nowadays telecommuting has made it possible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home. In this essay, I will discuss both views advantages and disadvantages of this system.

To commence with advantages that one can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without neglecting home or children.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is marvel for us. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not capable to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by going outside such as offices. Another side, married
Possible spelling mistake found.
womens have
not
Possible spelling mistake found.
enought
time to go anywhere
regularly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they feel comfortable to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home.
For instance
my aunt is manager in multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
far away. She waste her 4 hours in traveling to go to office and home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
time it would be major issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
home online by internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
they full fill their obligations.

On the other hand
telecommuting has made our convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
drawbacks of this system.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
social interaction. They have not much knowledge of outsider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Besides
masses have
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any friend group for sharing their working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
Possible spelling mistake found.
mon
do not know about their working groups.
Secondly
, it would
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on their working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or personal life.

To conclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is beneficial and helpful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should not overuse.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the telecommuting system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then, when anyone is not capable to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to go outside.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
it gives us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on our
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life
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IELTS essay Telecommuting has made it possible for many people to do their work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of these system of working?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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