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Art and music should not be mandatory at school

Art and music should not be mandatory at school 666m3
In this contemporary life, some people think that students should not be compulsory to take part in art and music classes. However, I firmly believe that there are several benefits of learning these subjects. To begin with, participating in art and music classes allows students to foster their creativity. The main reason for this is that students have a desire to express their own creative and unique ideas. However, the subjects that relate to the scientific or social aspects often restrict them to develop their various imagination. Studies have shown that children that are participated in art or music classes tend to be more creative and sensible than others. Consequently, they will be more self-confident and they can also perform well their daily tasks. To sum up, art and music help to promote children’s creativeness. Moreover, allowing children to take part in this extracurricular classes can concurrently give them opportunities to relieve stress. A number of subjects such as mathematics or chemistry always make students feel stressful because of the exams and a variety of difficult problems. Therefore, it is completely necessary for students to take interest in art or music activities. Furthermore, when students take part in these classes, they will have chance to make new friend and develop their communication skill. For example, a Vietnamese school carried out a survey to find out about students’ interest in art and music classes. As a result, the proportion of students that want to establish these classes was significantly high. In conclusion, students should be mandatory to join art and music classes in order to develop themselves. I suggest that schools should create condition for these classes.
In this contemporary life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not be compulsory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
However
, I
firmly
believe that there are several benefits of learning these subjects.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to foster their creativity. The main reason for this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a desire to express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
creative and unique
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
However
, the subjects that relate to the scientific or social aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
restrict them to develop their various imagination. Studies have shown that children that
are participated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
tend to be more creative and sensible than others.
Consequently
, they will be more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
self-confident and
they can
also
perform well their daily tasks. To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to promote children’s creativeness.

Moreover
, allowing children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in this extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
can
concurrently
give them opportunities to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. A number of subjects such as mathematics or chemistry always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
feel stressful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the exams and a variety of difficult problems.
Therefore
, it is completely necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to take interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
activities.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, they will have chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friend and develop their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
For example
, a Vietnamese school carried out a survey to find out about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
As a result
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that want to establish these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
was
significantly
high.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be mandatory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in order to develop themselves. I suggest that schools should create condition for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
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IELTS essay Art and music should not be mandatory at school

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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