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Teenagers should never be put in the same prison with adults no matter how serious their crime is. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

Teenagers should never be put in the same prison with adults no matter how serious their crime is. with this? 56LWp
There are some disputes nowadays whether young criminals should be kept in the same place of deprivation of liberty with grown-ups. I am convinced that these age groups are better to be separated in prison, as it is highly likely that adults will influence on teen`s behavior and set a bad life example. There is a common belief that if a person began doing some criminal activities in an early age, they will undoubtedly continue this in the future. That is why, a plethora of people consider young felons to be incorrigible and suggest they ought to be punished as well as adults. If there is no big difference between the illegal behaviors of the criminals, there is also no need to separate them into colonies and they can be kept together. However, I think that teenagers` mind is quite vulnerable. It means that they can easily absorb the actions scenario being done by the surrounding people. Consequently, if they are put in the same place with hardened prisoner, they can be involuntary taught how to live life in an improper way. Otherwise, for instance, in Russia, there are special colonies for those who are under eighteen. These teens` prisons allow them to understand the abnormality of crime scenes and change the behavior. As the result, youngsters live properly after having been released. In conclusion, I believe the prison separation depending of age groups to be a good one, as this system might help re-educate young criminals and give them an opportunity to live in the society without breaking the law.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disputes nowadays whether young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in the same place of deprivation of liberty with grown-ups. I
am convinced
that these age groups are better to
be separated
in prison, as it is
highly
likely that adults will influence on
The character between 'teen' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "teen’s" (curly apostrophe) or "teen's" (straight apostrophe).
teen`s
behavior and set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
life example.

There is a common belief that if a person began doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities in an early age, they will
undoubtedly
continue this in the future.
That is
why, a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider young felons to be incorrigible and suggest they ought to
be punished
as well
as adults. If there is no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference between the illegal behaviors of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, there is
also
no need to separate them into
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
colonies and
they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
together.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
` mind is quite vulnerable. It means that they can
easily
absorb the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "actions'" or "action's"?
actions
scenario
being done
by the surrounding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Consequently
, if they
are put
in the same place with hardened prisoner, they can be involuntary taught how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
life
Consider replacing "in an improper way" with the adverb for "improper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an improper way
.
Otherwise
,
for instance
, in Russia, there are special colonies for those who are under eighteen. These teens` prisons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to understand the abnormality of crime scenes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the behavior. As the result, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
properly
after having
been released
.

In conclusion
, I believe the prison separation
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depending on".
depending
of age groups to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one, as this system might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
re-educate young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
and give them an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the society without breaking the law.
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IELTS essay Teenagers should never be put in the same prison with adults no matter how serious their crime is. with this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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