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teenagers should have part-time jobs in preparation for their future. agree or disagree

teenagers should have part-time jobs in preparation for their future. agree or disagree OMWaG
The number of students working part-time has recently increased considerably. As a result, it has provoked one of the foremost endless discussions amongst students. Some argue that students may suffer difficulties as a result of working part-time. On the opposite hand, others say that individuals can put a part-time job to good use, a preparation for his or her future, for instance. I am strongly convinced that students should work part-time for subsequent reasons. First of all, it is commonly believed that students can get more practical experiences for their future careers. It is an undeniable fact that schools may just provide students with background knowledge; therefore, a part-time job can not only reinforce what they are learning in schools but also help them learn more about responsibilities yet as the way to face real challenges when it comes to a full- time job after graduation. Another important point is that students can earn some money to spend on daily expenses due to a part-time job. The evidence of this can be that a university student often spends at least three years finishing their study syllabus, which substantially triggers a giant debt. Therefore, students must work part-time to cut back the debt. There has been a rise in the number of students leaving college or university because they don’t have enough money to get hold of college fees in recent years. Moreover, earning money during school years also teaches students to understand the values of money. Last but not least, it is undeniable that student employment provides a golden opportunity to learn how to interact with different personalities – communication skills. Through part-time work, students will learn how to talk to a group of people from different walks of life, forcing them to be sensitive to cultural differences in the workplace. They will also learn the best ways to communicate with their colleagues, requiring themselves to think about how words can affect other people’s actions and vice versa. To conclude, having a part-time job could be useful for these above-mentioned reasons, but it may also have some potential drawbacks depending on how people organize it.
The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
working part-time has recently increased
considerably
.
As a result
, it has provoked one of the foremost endless discussions amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may suffer difficulties
as a result
of working part-time. On the opposite hand, others say that individuals can put a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, a preparation for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
future,
for instance
. I am
strongly
convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should work part-time for subsequent reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
commonly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more practical experiences for their future careers. It is an undeniable fact that schools may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with background knowledge;
therefore
, a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reinforce what they are learning in schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more about responsibilities
yet
as the way to face real challenges when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to a full- time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after graduation.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to spend on daily expenses due to a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. The evidence of this can be that a university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spends at least three years finishing their study syllabus, which
substantially
triggers a giant debt.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work part-time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
back the debt. There has been a rise in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
leaving college or university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hold of college fees in recent years.
Moreover
, earning money during school years
also
teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to understand the values of money.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
employment provides a golden opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to interact with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
personalities
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Through part-time work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to talk to a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
walks of life, forcing them to be sensitive to cultural differences in the workplace. They will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the best ways to communicate with their colleagues, requiring themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about how words can affect other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s actions and vice versa.

To conclude
, having a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
could be useful for these above-mentioned reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it may
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential drawbacks depending on how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
organize it.
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IELTS essay teenagers should have part-time jobs in preparation for their future. agree or disagree

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
355 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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