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Going to shopping mall for entertainment instead of shop

Going to shopping mall for entertainment instead of shop 7JodA
Shopping mall in the past used to only for exchange and purchase stuff. Over the time, the mall becomes emporium with supermarket, restaurant, cinema and others entertainment services. I am totally agree that not only in the future but also at present, the main reason for go to shopping center is for entertainment. This essay will describe why shopping is not the main reason anymore, and why entertainment became the basic target when go to the mall. First, acquire items is not the main goal of shopping. In the past, there was no many groceries or market. Most of them were in the shopping mall. Due to deficient in goods source, shopping malls become the main source to purchase goods. Nevertheless, there are more market or grocery being appear. It has changed the way people obtain stuff. For instance, in the Middle Ages, markets and seaports were the main trade center, and only for trading and exchanging. Nowadays, shopping centers and markets become more popular and provide more source of goods. In other words, entertainment services become more general in downtown. Shopping mall now includes not only supermarket but also library, game center, et cetera. Moreover, it is effortless to find a shopping center in a city, which sometimes is not as difficult as a park or a theater. Therefore, people enjoy going to downtown for relax while not acquire anything. For conclusion, in the future, shopping center will become more popular about entertainment and relax. With more services could be added, it is clearly that a shopping center could become an entertainment center and affect in the method people relax.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
in the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for exchange and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
stuff. Over the time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
emporium with supermarket, restaurant, cinema
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
entertainment services. I am
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
that not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
at present, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
reason for go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center is for entertainment. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
reason anymore, and why entertainment became the basic target when go to the mall.

First
, acquire items is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
goal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. In the past, there was
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
groceries or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
. Most of them were in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
. Due to deficient in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
source,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
source to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Nevertheless
, there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
or grocery being
Consider using a past participle here: "appeared".
appear
. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
obtain stuff.
For instance
, in the Middle Ages, markets and seaports were the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
trade center, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for trading and exchanging. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
and markets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more popular and provide more source of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

In other words
, entertainment services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more general in downtown.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
includes not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
supermarket
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
library, game center,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
.
Moreover
, it is effortless to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center in a city, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
is not as difficult as a park or a theater.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy
There isn't usually a preposition before "downtown". Did you mean "going downtown"?
going to downtown
for relax while not acquire anything.

For conclusion, in the future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more popular about entertainment and relax. With more services could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
, it is
clearly
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an entertainment center and affect in the method
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
relax.
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IELTS essay Going to shopping mall for entertainment instead of shop

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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