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Teen drug abuse can occur for many reasons

Teen drug abuse can occur for many reasons 2K8OX
In recent years, the number of addicted youngsters has raised constantly. Many young talents are wasted and families are destroyed due to drug abuse, especially by teenagers. Teen drug abuse can occur for many reasons, some of which are low self-esteem, permissive parenting and peer pressure. First of all, teens often begin using drugs because of low self-esteem. They are sensitive during adolescence. Drugs make them feel powerful. Youngsters are often motivated to look for new experiences, particularly those they perceive as thrilling or daring. Also with drug addiction, teens are living in a community with a high tolerance for drug use. Secondly, teenagers use drugs because of permissive parenting. In many families, both parents work outside the home, so they don’t have time to pay attention to their children’s needs. Consequently, parents may not be aware of warning signs that their children show. The lack of proper counselling and youngsters curiosity drive many teenagers to try new drugs. Thirdly, many teenagers use drugs because of peer pressure. Today’s society is a very competitive one, and the pressure to perform athletically or academically can be intense. Various young adults may turn to certain drugs like illegal or prescription stimulants because they think those substances will enhance or improve their performance so that they can fit into a group and make “instant” friends. Many believe they cannot live up to their parents’ expectations, and feel a sense of hopelessness and frustration. Drugs are used as a means of expressing dissatisfaction with the pressures that they face in society. In conclusion, drug issue is affecting our future generations. The more risk factors present such as low self-esteem, permissive parenting and peer pressure, the more likely a teenager may be to abuse drugs. The best way to stop teens from using and abusing drugs is to address all these causes. Only then will there be a decrease in the number of teenagers who use drugs.
In recent years, the number of addicted youngsters has raised
constantly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young talents
are wasted
and families are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuse,
especially
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuse can occur for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of which are low self-esteem, permissive parenting and peer pressure.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of low self-esteem. They are sensitive during adolescence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Drugs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel powerful. Youngsters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
motivated to look for new experiences,
particularly
those they perceive as thrilling or daring.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
are living in a community with a high tolerance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of permissive parenting. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families, both parents work outside the home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t have time to pay attention to their children’s needs.
Consequently
, parents may not be aware of warning signs that their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
. The lack of proper counselling and youngsters curiosity drive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to try new drugs.

Thirdly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s society is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive one, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
to perform
athletically
or
academically
can be intense. Various young adults may turn to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
like illegal or prescription stimulants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
those substances will enhance or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can fit into a group and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
“instant” friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
up to their parents’ expectations, and feel a sense of hopelessness and frustration.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Drugs
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a means of expressing dissatisfaction with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
that they face in society.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
issue is affecting our future generations. The more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factors present such as low self-esteem, permissive parenting and peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
, the more likely a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
may be to abuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. The best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
from using and abusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
is to address all these causes.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
then will there be a decrease in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
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IELTS essay Teen drug abuse can occur for many reasons

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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