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technology is good for young people prospects of gaining job and harder for old people.to what extent do you agree or disagree

technology is good for young people prospects of gaining job and harder for old people. 1mXaG
It is irrefutable that, technology has a major influence on the atmosphere of the workplace. Some people are of the view that, technology is a blessing for youngsters and curse for the elderly citizen of any organization. I agree with this notion. There are several reason why I believe that increasing use of technology is advantageous for youngsters. Perhaps the main reason for this is that they have experience of using such kind of technology from a very early age. This is due to the fact, they certainly used an abundance of modern devices as a recreational activities from their childhood. Consequently, it becomes a habit for youth to use any technological instrument thus leads any company to gain higher productivity. A good illustration of this is Facebook where 90% of employee they recruited are aged under 30. Nevertheless, there must be some exception that some old employer become immensely efficient with technology through their hard work. Moreover, the older people is the workplace face difficulty to compete with youngsters due to the advancement of technology as they are not adept in handling ultra modern devices. Inasmuch as, they used to follow the traditional system where every task is performed by paper and pen. As a result, it leads the company to face numerous shortcomings and eventually resulted in lower productivity. Furthermore, train the aged citizens of company is recognized as a extra cost for the company that the institution has to bear and it becomes a burden for the recruiters and for this reason they prefer to recruit youngsters. Nonetheless, sometimes there are some youngsters who are as same as the elderly and unable to cope with the technological advancement. To sum up, I would like to reiterate that, recruiting youngsters may be a good decision for ensuring success of any organization. However, The government should take drastic steps to train the elderly people with free of cost and make them as same as the youth.
It is irrefutable that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has a major influence on the atmosphere of the workplace.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the view that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is a blessing for youngsters and curse for the elderly citizen of any organization. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion.

There are several reason why I believe that increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is advantageous for youngsters. Perhaps the main reason for this is that they have experience of using such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age. This is due to the fact, they
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
an abundance of modern devices as a recreational
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "activity"?
activities
from their childhood.
Consequently
, it becomes a habit for youth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
any technological instrument
thus
leads any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to gain higher productivity. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is Facebook where 90% of employee they recruited
are aged
under 30.
Nevertheless
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exception that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
employer become
immensely
efficient with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
through their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

Moreover
, the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
the workplace face difficulty to compete with youngsters due to the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as they are not adept in handling ultra modern devices. Inasmuch as, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to follow the traditional system where every task
is performed
by paper and pen.
As a result
, it leads the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to face numerous shortcomings and
eventually
resulted in lower productivity.
Furthermore
, train the aged citizens of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is recognized
as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
extra cost for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
that the institution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
bear and it becomes a burden for the recruiters and
for this reason
they prefer to recruit youngsters. Nonetheless,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters who are as same as the elderly and unable to cope with the technological advancement.

To sum up, I would like to reiterate that, recruiting youngsters may be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision for ensuring success of any organization.
However
, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take drastic steps to train the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with free of cost and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them as same as the youth.
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IELTS essay technology is good for young people prospects of gaining job and harder for old people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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