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Technology has changed the way we work and communicate. What are the advantages and disadvantages to this?

Technology has changed the way we work and communicate. What are the advantages and disadvantages to this? eKe1x
The 21st century demonstrates the highest rate of innovative development, which has effected on significant changes in the workplace, namely - telecommuting. This aspect has gained brilliant popularity because of use of the electronic devices. However, there are some advantages and disadvantages, which are bringing to bear on the working conditions due to the online work. In terms of advance, one of the most positive moments of being not attached to office is independence because employees via online-platform can coordinate their mission productively just by simply using their devices to achieve their goals and earn money. Similarly, they can assign themselves work hours, deadlines and breaks, which improve their self-discipline. Moreover, people who work virtually have a lack of distraction rather than their colleagues in the office conditions. For instance, offline jobs might be not so effective as a result of limited work hours, interrupting conversations and wasting time on getting to the workplace. Therefore, home based work can be more preferable rather than traditional jobs. On the other hand, there are some problems of a home based job, which causes a low level of communication because gadgets cannot improve team-work skills. For example, when individuals do their work remotely, they have not the opportunity to discuss something with other colleagues. Furthermore, online workers are tend to be distracted by their household matters. To imagine this, despite the concentration on their task, they might get stuck with incidental things (towards to job duties) such as cooking, cleaning, shopping and childcare. As a result, employees who work remotely can get diversion of their mind from the main mission. In conclusion, the standard attitude of the workplace has been replaced by the most progressive technology, namely - computers (laptops) and innovative smartphones. Although online work has a majority of favorable sides such as self-sufficiency and the high level of productivity, there are many negatives aspects, which also attract our attention like inconvenience of team-work and leading separate business from personal duties at the same time.
The 21st century demonstrates the highest rate of innovative development, which has effected on significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the workplace,
namely
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
telecommuting. This aspect has gained brilliant popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the electronic devices.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages, which are bringing to bear on the working conditions due to the online work.

In terms of advance, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
moments of being not attached to office is independence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
employees via online-platform can coordinate their mission
productively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by
simply
using their devices to achieve their goals and earn money.
Similarly
, they can assign themselves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours, deadlines and breaks, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their self-discipline.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
virtually
have a lack of distraction
rather
than their colleagues in the office conditions.
For instance
, offline jobs might be not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
effective
as a result
of limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours, interrupting conversations and wasting time on getting to the workplace.
Therefore
, home based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can be more preferable
rather
than traditional jobs.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems of a home based job, which causes a low level of communication
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
gadgets cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
team-work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, when individuals do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
remotely
, they have not the opportunity to discuss something with other colleagues.
Furthermore
, online workers are
Consider using a past participle here: "tended".
tend
to
be distracted
by their household matters. To imagine this, despite the concentration on their task, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck with incidental things (towards to job duties) such as cooking, cleaning, shopping and childcare.
As a result
, employees who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
remotely
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
diversion of their mind from the main mission.

In conclusion
, the standard attitude of the workplace has
been replaced
by the most progressive technology,
namely
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
computers (laptops) and innovative smartphones. Although online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has a majority of favorable sides such as self-sufficiency and the high level of productivity, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
negatives aspects, which
also
attract our attention like inconvenience of team-work and leading separate business from personal duties at the same time.
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IELTS essay Technology has changed the way we work and communicate. What are the advantages and disadvantages to this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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