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Technology has a positive effect on education. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Technology has a positive effect on education. v. 1
Nowadays, technology has changed our lives. Education is another area that has been influenced by it. Some people agree that it has an advantage effect on education, but some people think it does not. In this essay I will give my opinion towards this statement. First of all, the technology helps improving education. I agree with this because it provides useful information for people. Students these days can look up for things that they do not know on the internet without having to wait for the teacher. Another example is that people who sick and cannot go to school can still participate in classes. For example, my brother, he had cancer so he could not go to school, however, school provided robot for him and this robot can see what is on the board so my brother can still study even though he is at home. Moreover, it will be beneficial for students or graduates because technology has been used widely in the society. If they know how to use in the very young ages, then they will have more self-esteem and confidence to do the future tasks, whether it is working or studying. However, technology is not always positive to the education. Students can easily distract by technology. Because they have an access to some websites, they can loss their concentration while they are in the class. The best way to prevent this is to limit the usage of devices that can connect to the internet so that they can focus more on the tasks To conclude, I totally agree that technology has positive effects on education because it provides access for students who do not have chances to go to school. However, it needs to have a limit because students can use it for many purposes, schools need to restrict some websites that can distract the concentration of their students as well.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is another area that has
been influenced
by it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it has an advantage effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it does not. In this essay I will give my opinion towards this statement.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to improve" or "improve".
improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides useful information for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
these days can look up for things that they do not know on the internet without having to wait for the teacher. Another example is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who sick and cannot go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can
still
participate in classes.
For example
, my brother, he had cancer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he could not go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
provided robot for him and this robot can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what is on the board
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my brother can
still
study
even though
he is at home.

Moreover
, it will be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
or graduates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
widely
in the society. If they know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young ages, then they will have
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
more


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
self-esteem
and confidence to do the future tasks, whether it is working or studying.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is not always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can
easily
distract by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
websites, they can
"loss" is a noun. Did you mean the verb "lose" (= 'to lose')?
loss
their concentration while they are in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. The best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this is to limit the usage of devices that can connect to the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can focus more on the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
tasks


To conclude
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides access for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who do not have chances to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
However
, it needs to have a limit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
purposes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
need to restrict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
websites that can distract the concentration of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as well
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Technology has a positive effect on education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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