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Technology allows food to be produced in greater quantities at lower prices. Some people believe this is a positive development, while others feel that the change is harmful. Discuss both views and give your own opinions. v.1

Technology allows food to be produced in greater quantities at lower prices. Some people believe this is a positive development, while others feel that the change is harmful. v. 1
Modern machine makes food to be made in higher numbers at reduced amounts. Quite a number of persons opine this as an upside trend, however, some people think that this development is dangerous. While technological advancement is advantageous for increased production of foods, and causing deflation, it is agreed that utilising modern technology in the commercialisation of such production may cause severe health problems in the long-term. This essay will explore both sides and give a concluding view. To begin with, the major advantage of using technology for producing food commercially is for the purpose of deflation. This is because machines have higher output and are efficient in the food manufacturing process, which in turn will cause the prices of such items to be cheaper and will influence the overall quality of life of the masses positively. For instance, a recent study concluded that building five new government-owned food manufacturing and processing plants in Germany have caused 30% deflation in food prices, which has alleviated poverty and helped to bridge the gap between the rich and the poor in their society. On the other hand, the danger of mass production of food using modern technology seems to be health problems. Because the process of food making with machine involves moving metal parts and the use of preservatives, there seems to be an increased risk of people taking ill to life-threatening sicknesses like cancer. For example, a recent survey concluded that 70% of cancerous patients were sick because they did not eat any reasonable amount of natural foods. This is problematic because even though the commercially produced foods are cheaper, they are not usually as nutritive as natural raw foods, thereby causing a plethora of people who eat such foods to be unhealthy with time. In conclusion, while the positive trend of producing foods for commercial purpose with modern technology is to drive deflation, it is agreed that such an approach to food making is perhaps detrimental to the health of people because of the possibility of ingesting unwanted harmful substances and they are usually less-nutritive in contrast with natural foods.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
machine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
be made
in higher numbers at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
amounts. Quite a number of persons opine this as an upside trend,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this development is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. While technological advancement is advantageous for increased production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, and causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deflation
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'commercialisation' is British English.
commercialisation
of such production may cause severe health problems in the long-term. This essay will explore both sides and give a concluding view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the major advantage of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
commercially
is for the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deflation
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
machines have higher output and are efficient in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
manufacturing process, which in turn will cause the prices of such items to be cheaper and will influence the
overall
quality of life of the masses
positively
.
For instance
, a recent study concluded that building five new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
manufacturing and processing plants in Germany have caused 30%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deflation
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
prices, which has alleviated poverty and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to bridge the gap between the rich and the poor in their society.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of mass production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
seems to be health problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
making with machine involves moving metal parts and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of preservatives, there seems to be an increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
taking ill to life-threatening sicknesses like cancer.
For example
, a recent survey concluded that 70% of cancerous patients were sick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not eat any reasonable amount of natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. This is problematic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
even though
the
commercially
produced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are cheaper, they are not
usually
as nutritive as natural raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, thereby causing a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who eat such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to be unhealthy with time.

In conclusion
, while the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend of producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
for commercial purpose with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is to drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deflation
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that such an approach to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
making is perhaps detrimental to the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the possibility of ingesting unwanted harmful
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
substances and
they are
usually
less-nutritive
in contrast
with natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Technology allows food to be produced in greater quantities at lower prices. Some people believe this is a positive development, while others feel that the change is harmful. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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