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Technological medical improvements

Technological medical improvements ggyl
Clearly, technology and medical improvements had given a new panorama of the future. People are living longer and life expectancy is increasing rapidly. Just to give a personal example, my grandfather died due to lung cancer 20 years ago, and his wife, my grandmother, has the same kind of cancer now and she’s about to beat the desease because of new technology implemented on a new lung cancer medicine. We are now living in a future that was almost imposible some years ago and that only occurred in sci-fi movies. As we can notice in my example, this improvements can have important and wonderful advantages. On the other hand, we have to start thinking about the disadvantages this can cause. Starting with overpopulation. More than ever, cities are overpopulated, and the number of inhabitants keeps growing, leaving people without job opportunities, a place to live or even the government is having hard times in providing basic resources to all people. This also causes that population living in poverty is increasing tremendously. Also, medical improvements are in general more expensive now than before. It is difficult to a big amount of people to have access to this kind of medical resources and this causes inequality in health access. I do believe that technology is improving quality of life, but this is happening just for a small percentage of population that have access to this kind of improvements. However, we have to work towards the free accessibility of health and technological improvements regardless of our economic status, gender, sexual identity and racial background. In conclusion, now a days, disadvantages in new technological medical improvements are bigger than the advantages, but we have to make this work in the other way.
Clearly
, technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvements
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
panorama of the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are living longer and life expectancy is increasing
rapidly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
to give a personal example, my grandfather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
due to lung cancer 20 years ago, and his wife, my grandmother, has the same kind of cancer
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
now and
she’s about to beat the
Possible spelling mistake found.
desease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technology implemented on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
lung cancer medicine. We are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
living in a future that was almost
Possible spelling mistake found.
imposible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years ago and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
occurred in sci-fi movies.

As we can notice in my example,
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvements
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and wonderful advantages.
On the other hand
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
thinking about the disadvantages this can cause.

Starting with overpopulation. More than ever, cities
are overpopulated
, and the number of inhabitants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
growing, leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without job opportunities, a place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or even the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
times in providing basic resources to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This
also
causes that population living in poverty is increasing
tremendously
.

Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvements
are
in general
more expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. It is difficult to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have access to this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
resources and this causes inequality in health access.

I do believe that technology is improving quality of life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
percentage of population that have access to this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvements
.
However
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work towards the free accessibility of health and technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvements
regardless of our economic status, gender, sexual identity and racial background.

In conclusion
,
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
, disadvantages in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvements
are bigger than the advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this work in the other way.
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IELTS essay Technological medical improvements

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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