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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely em57
The world today is more connected than ever before, because of this, accessing information and the sharing of data is easier than ever. While a number of people believe that certain pieces of information are too precious to divulge, others think that sharing information as freely as can be done safely, is the optimal strategy. After discussing why certain people think that the sharing of information could yield a positive outcome, I will demonstrate why I believe that some information cannot be shared liberally. There is an number of people that believe that the sharing of information should go unhindered and flow freely, because they esteem information should be a shared resource in order to pool our resources together in order to accomplish a common goal. For example, the sharing of studies dedicated to climate change is widespread, because this information is essential and must be viewed by all scientists worldwide in order to act with unity and decisiveness. As information such as this is essential, many view it as a common property which must be shared. Despite the fact that in some cases the sharing of information is the correct procedure, I believe that some information is simply too precious and must be kept private. As in certain cases information is essential for companies or even governments to retain their competitive advantage, and if they were forced to divulge this information it would cause more problems than solutions. For instance, in the case of Formula 1 car manufacturers, in a sport were every mini-second counts, each advancement they make is crucial to keep them competitive, because of this sharing of information for them would be simply impossible. Where some information can be shared, some data is just too valuable to be given away. To conclude, although the sharing of certain pieces of information is essential for proper development and maintenance of our world, if certain pieces cannot be kept secret I believe more harm would result than good.
The world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is more connected than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
because of this
, accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
of data is easier than ever. While a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
are too precious to divulge, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
as
freely
as can
be done
safely
, is the optimal strategy. After discussing why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
could yield a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome, I will demonstrate why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
cannot
be shared
liberally
.

There is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should go unhindered and flow
freely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they esteem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should be a shared resource in order to pool our resources together in order to accomplish a common goal.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
of studies dedicated to climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is widespread,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essential
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be viewed
by all scientists worldwide in order to act with unity and decisiveness. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essential
,
Possible agreement error. The noun view seems to be countable; consider using: "many views".
many view
it as a common property which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be shared
.

Despite the fact that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is the correct procedure, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
simply
too precious and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
private. As in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essential
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to retain their competitive advantage, and if they
were forced
to divulge this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
it would cause more problems than solutions.
For instance
, in the case of Formula 1 car manufacturers, in a sport were every mini-second counts, each advancement they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
is crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them competitive,
because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
for them would be
simply
impossible. Where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can
be shared
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
data is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
too valuable to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
away.

To conclude
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essential
for proper development and maintenance of our world, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
pieces cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
secret I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
more harm would result than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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