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Teachers think international students exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think iOS advantage outweighs the disadvantage?

Teachers think international students exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think iOS advantage outweighs the disadvantage? r88Om
There is no denying to the fact that teachers of the school consider the exchange studies of students to be extremely helpful. In my opinion, it definitely helps them to learn new culture and become independent, but they may face some difficulties regarding adjustment. On the positive side this development gives opportunity to the pupils to experience and new work culture and environment in foreign conditions. Obviously the foreign countries to which students move in make time and counter different atmosphere than their home condition. For example students from Asian countries move to the western countries such as the US and Canada in order to pursue their higher education which not only helps them to learn things but also to see e aspects of daily routine with the different approach. Therefore it is definitely helpful for these students to experience something different in their early stages of life Another positive which can be drawn out of such development is the student's ability to become independent. Whenever a student moves out of home shelter he has to face hostile conditions. A student on moving to a country which is far away from the home country is forced to take decisions for themselves, earn for themselves and much more that is is foundation in building strong character. Hence before their age they become mature. To conclude, moving to one country to another is in students favour. only because of this they can learn number of things.
There is no denying to the fact that teachers of the school consider the exchange studies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be
extremely
helpful. In my opinion, it definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to learn new culture and become independent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they may face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties regarding adjustment. On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side this development gives opportunity to the pupils to experience and new work culture and environment in foreign conditions.

Obviously
the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
time and counter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
atmosphere than their home condition.
For example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as the US and Canada in order to pursue their higher education which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to learn things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
e aspects of daily routine with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approach.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is definitely helpful for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to experience something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in their early stages of life

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
which can
be drawn
out of such development is the student's ability to become independent.
“Whenever” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whenever
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
out of home shelter he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
face hostile conditions. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
on moving to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which is far away from the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is forced
to take decisions for themselves, earn for themselves and much more that
Possible typo: you repeated a word
is is
foundation in building strong character.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their age they become mature.

To conclude
, moving to one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to another is in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
only
because of this
they can learn number of things.
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IELTS essay Teachers think international students exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think iOS advantage outweighs the disadvantage?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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