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Some people believe that children should spend all their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

Some people believe that children should spend all their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support. RNNDM
Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families continues to be a controversial topic in somewhere, just as something itself has become a controversial field in some respects. There are valid opinions on both sides which I will consider now. On the one hand, some people feel that something is negative point. In addition, it might be said that it is not good for child’s brain development. For example children who are exposed to many things will have more knowledge and the better vision. After all, it is the child’s health. For instance, the children stay with people not of the same age too much they can’t speak out their sentiment because the difference age lead to the difference sentiment. From there will always be negative energy in them. On the other hand, one major benefit of something is that it helps the children understand the importance role of family. Then they can divide their time appropriately between family and friend. Furthermore when they spend their free time with their families they can get to know everyone in the house better, they can get the valuable experience from their grandparents, parents and they will know how to treat with everyone better. Overall, I feel that children should spend their free time with their family because the positive effect for themself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend all of their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
continues to be a controversial topic in somewhere,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as something itself has become a controversial field in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
respects. There are valid opinions on both sides which I will consider
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that something is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
point.
In addition
, it might
be said
that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for child’s brain development.
For example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things will have more knowledge and the better vision.
After all
, it is the child’s health.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stay with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not of the same age too much they can’t speak out their sentiment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the difference age lead to the difference sentiment. From there will always be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
energy in them.

On the other hand
, one major benefit of something is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
understand the importance role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Then they can divide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
appropriately
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friend.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
when they spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know everyone in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
better, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the valuable experience from their grandparents,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they will know how to treat with everyone better.

Overall
, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect for
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children should spend all their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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