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Taxation system on private education

Taxation system on private education g8xG1
In many countries, elites want their children to get the education system delivered by the private school. It is argued that those people are not responsible to pay duties in terms of a support to the education sector of their country. I completely disagree with this statement because I believe that this system could lead to a rise of an unequal education system and rich people should fulfill their duties as a citizen by paying extra tax. First of all, there is no compelling reason to reduce the amount of tax for the rich people. Moreover, it is not completely fair for the offspring of the other taxpayers to get a lower education. Additionally, it is the own choices of the affluent citizens to pay for an expensive education willingly. Therefore, government do not have the responsibility to make a double standard in tax for people from different diversities. Especially, in undeveloped countries, as a result from imposing this policy, the country would not have enough educated people to lead the country in future because a few number of graduates with a high level of education are moving to developed countries for greater opportunities. In fact, the state should even make the private school to pay more tax to make sure a balance between private and public education. For instance, a little more extra pay would not make a big change for the high incomers, however, it is indeed beneficial for the state to improve the educational facilities. Furthermore, equal education can produce balancing amount of educated and skillful professionals in every fields which is also an advantageous for the country to become the most powerful one. In conclusion, I strongly believe that every citizen should be taxed with different level of percentages based on their income level to utilize them evenly in the development of the nation and to make sure that all the city-dwellers get the equal opportunities.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, elites want their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system delivered by the private school. It
is argued
that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not responsible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
duties in terms of a support to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
sector of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I completely disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that this system could lead to a rise of an unequal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system and rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should fulfill their duties as a citizen by paying extra tax.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there is no compelling reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of tax for the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, it is not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
for the offspring of the other taxpayers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Additionally
, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices of the affluent citizens to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for an expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
willingly
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
do not have the responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a double standard in tax for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diversities.
Especially
, in undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
as a result
from imposing this policy, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
Possible agreement error. The noun number seems to be countable; consider using: "few numbers".
few number
of graduates with a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are moving to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for greater opportunities.

In fact, the state should even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the private school to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more tax to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure a balance between private and public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
would not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
for the high incomers,
however
, it is
indeed
beneficial for the state to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the educational facilities.
Furthermore
, equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can produce balancing amount of educated and skillful professionals in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "field"?
fields
which is
also
an advantageous for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to become the most powerful one.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that every citizen should
be taxed
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
level of percentages based on their income level to utilize them
evenly
in the development of the nation and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure that all the city-dwellers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the equal opportunities.
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IELTS essay Taxation system on private education

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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