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Task3: The man expresses his opinion of the university plan to add new science course requirement. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding this opinion. v.1

Task3: The man expresses his opinion of the university plan to add new science course requirement. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding this opinion. v. 1
Of late, many countries believe that an employee should be retired between the age of 55 or 60 years. A sea change has been witnessed the notion like Japan masses can work until according to their own opinion. There has been prevailing issue in the world that employees should be allowed to work. The following paragraphs would shed light on the possible reasons for the problem and some approaches before making the final notes. To commence with the reasons, first and foremost is the old ones to retire from the profession in Voluntary way or involuntary way. Secondly, the old age employees should be forced to retire due to physical limitations. If, old masses perform task There will be Chance of potential for loss of productivity. Probing furthermore, these old age employees have Need to Continue training while doing duties with new fresh workers. Undoubtedly, every lock has a key. Similarly There are some benefits to the Company and young ones. Moreover, when the old employees above years of 55 or 60 working with new fresh candidates, they can work with them and contribute their best to Company. Hence, The old people having experience and knowledge about the particular job task. So, they also become mentors for new Recruit employees and serve as a good worker. Therefore, Its depends on individual choice whether he Like to leave the job after 60 Year span or not. To recapitulate, I would like to state that we should not be forced to retire the old person from his job. It should be their individual choice and their good choice of becoming a good Mentor for young guns is benefit for industry in Long term.
Of late,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries believe that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
should
be retired
between the age of 55 or 60 years. A sea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has
been witnessed
the notion like Japan masses can work until according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion. There has been prevailing issue in the world that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to work. The following paragraphs would shed light on the possible reasons for the problem and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
approaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making the final notes.

To commence with the reasons,
first
and foremost is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to retire from the profession in Voluntary way or involuntary way.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should
be forced
to retire due to physical limitations. If,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
masses perform task There will be Chance of potential for loss of productivity. Probing
furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have Need to Continue training while doing duties with new fresh workers.

Undoubtedly
, every lock has a key.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Moreover
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
above years of 55 or 60 working with new fresh candidates, they can work with them and contribute their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
.
Hence
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having experience and knowledge about the particular job task.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
also
become mentors for new Recruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and serve as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
worker.
Therefore
, Its depends on individual choice whether he Like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the job after
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
60 Year
Possible agreement error. The noun 'span' seems to be countable, so consider using: "spans".
span
or not.

To recapitulate, I would like to state that we should not
be forced
to retire the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
person from his job. It should be their individual choice and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice of becoming a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Mentor for young guns is benefit for industry in Long term.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Task3: The man expresses his opinion of the university plan to add new science course requirement. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding this opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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