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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to study math or science than it is to study art or literature. Use details and examples to explain your answer v.120

It is more important to study math or science than it is to study art or literature. v. 120
Nowadays, guardians get their young ones many toys to keep them pre-occupied. Although this may have some merits for the children, it is accompanied by its own downsides as well. This essay will succintly discuss the pros and cons of pampering one's child with plenty toys. On the one hand, most modern toys are educative and could be used as means of teaching the little ones how to read and write at such an early age. To clarify, these toys can be so captivating to an extent that a teacher might not be able to hold their attention for a lengthy period of time, the way such toys would. Take for example, the new edition Tablet toy designed primarily for ages 3-6 years could teach children how to speak good English and write impressively, which would naturally take years to learn in institutions. Additionally, parents would have more time to focus on their daily activities, as these toys help to baby-sit their offsprings by engaging and entertaining them. On the other hand, children might develop an addiction to these playful objects. Furthermore, they could develop a strong attachment that would not only affect their studies, but also their social skills. This means that, these progenes should be weaned off these toys as they grow, in order for them to be allowed to play with their peer group instead. For instance, a child that was brought up with many toys might grow up a loner and as a result become an introvert. Finally, these toys are expensive and quite unnecessary, since books can be used as their replacement. To conclude, large quantity of playthings have their own advantages as well as disadvantages. Parents can use them as educative tools for their child, however, they could be harmful if their usage is not curbed to an adequate measure.
Nowadays, guardians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-occupied
. Although this may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits for the children, it
is accompanied
by its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
downsides
as well
. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake found.
succintly
discuss the pros and cons of pampering one's child with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
toys.

On the one hand, most modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are educative and could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as means of teaching the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
how to read and write at such an early age. To clarify, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
captivating to an extent that a teacher might not be able to hold their attention for a lengthy period of time, the way such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
would. Take
for example
, the new edition Tablet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
designed
primarily
for ages 3-6 years could teach children how to speak
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
English and write
impressively
, which would
naturally
take years to learn in institutions.
Additionally
, parents would have more time to focus on their daily activities, as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to baby-sit their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
by engaging and entertaining them.

On the other hand
, children might develop an addiction to these playful objects.
Furthermore
, they could develop a strong attachment that would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect their studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This means that, these
Possible spelling mistake found.
progenes
should
be weaned
off these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
as they grow, in order for them to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to play with their peer group
instead
.
For instance
, a child that
was brought
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
might grow up a loner and
as a result
become an introvert.
Finally
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are expensive and quite unnecessary, since books can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as their replacement.

To conclude
, large quantity of playthings have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages
as well
as disadvantages. Parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them as educative tools for their child,
however
, they could be harmful if their usage is not curbed to an adequate measure.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important to study math or science than it is to study art or literature. v. 120

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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