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Task 2: Many animal species are becoming extinct. Some believe countries and individuals must solve this problem, others think that human beings are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Task 2: Many animal species are becoming extinct. Some believe countries and individuals must solve this problem, others think that human beings are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion Daoja
People argue that whether animals extinction or human beings is crucial and must be taken by state and nations first. I am of the option the former opinion. On the one hand, the option to focus on human problems is attractive for several reasons. Firstly, the rate of crime is increasing in the modern era leading to consequences for people such as loss of properties and threat to human life. Therefore, this problem should be considered and solved immediately to secure the quality of life for inhabitants. Secondly, the educational system and health play an important role in the development of a nation and people. Since the prosperity of the country depends mainly on the people. Thus, approaching good educational systems and health facilities are indispensable for them so that contribute to the country. On the other hand, there are a variety of reasons why I believe animals issues must be put in top priority to be addressed. Conserving endangered animals are their contribution to the field of medicine. Since testing in animals tends to play a crucial role for scientists to find new treatments for people’s diseases before they are given to humans. For instance, in Covid-19, testing in animals has been done many times to find vaccines for communities. If animals are not protected and become extinct, it will be very difficult to find the causes of disease. In conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
argue that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
extinction or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings is crucial and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
by state and nations
first
. I am of the option the former opinion.

On the one hand, the option to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
problems is attractive for several reasons.
Firstly
, the rate of crime is increasing in the modern era leading to consequences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as loss of properties and threat to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life.
Therefore
, this problem should
be considered
and solved immediately to secure the quality of life for inhabitants.
Secondly
, the educational system and health play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the development of a nation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
the prosperity of the country depends
mainly
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
, approaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educational systems and health facilities are indispensable for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that contribute to the country.

On the other hand
, there are a variety of reasons why I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be put
in top priority to
be addressed
. Conserving endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are their contribution to the field of medicine. Since testing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
tends to play a crucial role for scientists to find new treatments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
For instance
, in Covid-19, testing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
has
been done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times to find vaccines for communities. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are not protected and become extinct, it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to find the causes of disease.

In conclusion
,
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IELTS essay Task 2: Many animal species are becoming extinct. Some believe countries and individuals must solve this problem, others think that human beings are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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