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Talk about an important news event that happened recently in your country. Explain why it was important. v.2

Talk about an important news event that happened recently in your country. Explain why it was important. v. 2
It is true that these days schools prefer students who are intelligent and smart. However, while some believe that schools should go for students according to their academic abilities, I agree with those who feel that it is best to have mixed variety students. On the one hand, it could be argued that separating students of better academic abilities from other students benefits both teacher and student. In a class of same level students, teaching will be very easy and convenient. To illustrate teachers can use one type of methodology for all the students rather than different types. Moreover, in this type of class, the number of students will be less and teacher can focus on every individual to achieve their high grades. On the other hand, I strongly believe that mixed abilities of students in a school have more advantages than the others. Firstly, in a class which consists of all types of students, will develop not only in their academics but also in other social activities. For example, some students are better in school subjects and others will be in activities like dance, playing music intruments and so on. This way they can help each other to learn and develop. Secondly, if schools only take good scoring students in their institutions, it will turn out to be boring, as these types of students only concentrate on studies not on sports or any cultural things. To conclude, although some think that schools should take best academic students because it helps both teacher and student, the effect of mixed varieties students can’t be ignored. Therefore on balance I personally believe that students with different abilities should be studying together as it will help them to develop in every aspect.
It is true that these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are intelligent and smart.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
according to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who feel that it is best to have mixed variety students.

On the one hand, it could
be argued
that separating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
benefits both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. In a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of same level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, teaching will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy and convenient. To illustrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of methodology for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
.
Moreover
, in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be less and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
can focus on every individual to achieve their high grades.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I
strongly
believe that mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have more advantages than the others.
Firstly
, in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
which consists of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, will develop not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social activities.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
will be in activities like dance, playing music
Possible spelling mistake found.
intruments
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This way they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to learn and develop.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in their institutions, it will turn out to be boring, as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concentrate on studies not on sports or any cultural things.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
A determiner is probably missing here: "take the best".
take best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, the effect of mixed varieties
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can’t be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
on balance I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
should be studying together as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop in every aspect.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about an important news event that happened recently in your country. Explain why it was important. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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