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Talk about an important news event that happened recently in your country. Describe the event and explain why it was important. v.1

Talk about an important news event that happened recently in your country. Describe the event and explain why it was important. v. 1
As the time passes by, people who used to be young and energetic, are becoming old and weak, which also increasing the numbers of older people. Some believe that these people are just a burden on the society while the other believes that such old- age people can play a vital role in reshaping the society, morally and culturally. In this essay I will address both of the points and will give my perception of it. Some people claim that the increasing quantity of older people will make a country over crowded and doesn't help to build the economy as well, because they got retired from their respective jobs and now just earning pensions from the Government, which could have been spent in building the economy and other requirements of young generation more efficiently. Furthermore, they also believe that such people will not let the community and the mindset of young generations grow, as they got stuck with their old beliefs and cultures. They don't let their children or grandchildren to think of their own and decide their future by themselves according to their experience, which may not help in this era additionally, they are lacking behind in the use of various technologies and don't prefer to accept the change, which technologies bring. However, masses also believe in contrast of all other people that, these people may reshape the public, which has gone into wrong path, as many children use to live with their grandparents and their lifestyles greatly impact the way of living for kids in their future subsequently, they may get a plethora of useful skills from their grandparent's experiences and can learn from their mistakes in life like i usually take advices form my grandmother on various issues of my life, which really helped me in those problems, another advantage of having grandparents is that they may also keep a greater check on their grandchildren when their parents are busy in their work. To conclude, I believe that having old people in this society is a blessing for young generations like us, because we can share our problems and can get advice from their experiences, regarding the life of today's world.
As the time passes by,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and energetic, are becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and weak, which
also
increasing the numbers of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a burden on the society while the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old-
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can play a vital role in reshaping the society,
morally
and
culturally
. In this essay I will address both of the points and will give my perception of it.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the increasing quantity of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a country over crowded and doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build the economy
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
retired from their respective jobs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
earning pensions from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
, which could have
been spent
in building the economy and other requirements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation more
efficiently
.

Furthermore
, they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the community and the mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations grow, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
stuck with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
beliefs and cultures. They don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their children or grandchildren to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and decide their future by themselves according to their experience, which may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in this era
additionally
, they are lacking behind in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of various technologies and don't prefer to accept the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, which technologies bring.

However
, masses
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in contrast
of all other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may reshape the public, which has gone into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their grandparents and their lifestyles
greatly
impact the way of living for kids in their future
subsequently
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a plethora of useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from their grandparent's experiences and can learn from their mistakes in life like
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
usually
take advices form my grandmother on various issues of my life, which
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me in those problems, another advantage of having grandparents is that they may
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on their grandchildren when their parents are busy in their work.

To conclude
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this society is a blessing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations like us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can share our problems and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advice from their experiences, regarding the life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about an important news event that happened recently in your country. Describe the event and explain why it was important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
364 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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