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talk about a time you felt much pressure to archieve a goal

talk about a time you felt much pressure to archieve a goal Vl65Q
I want to talk about the time when I decided to lose weight. About 5 years ago there was a problem with my family that made me very upset. At that time, eating calmed my sadness and anger. After a while, my discomfort subsided. At this time, I gained weight and gained 95 kg. It was then that I decided to lose weight. To lose weight, I needed a good diet as well as an exercise program. That's why I chose a good diet program for myself with the help of the Internet and set my goal to lose weight. After 1 year of hard diet and exercise, I managed to lose 30 kg of weight. Following this goal to lose weight made me feel better. And my self-confidence increased. At that time, I am still proud of myself and I learned that to achieve my goals, I have to work hard to get a good result and I became a person whose life is full of purpose.
I want to talk about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when I decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. About 5 years ago there was a problem with my family that made me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
upset. At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, eating calmed my sadness and anger. After a while, my discomfort subsided. At this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I gained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and gained 95 kg. It was then that I decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
, I needed a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
diet
as well
as an exercise program. That's why I chose a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
diet program for myself with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the Internet and set my goal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. After 1 year of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
diet and exercise, I managed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lose
30 kg of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. Following this goal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
made me feel better. And my self-confidence increased. At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I am
still
proud of myself and I learned that to achieve my goals, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result and I became a person whose life is full of purpose.
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IELTS essay talk about a time you felt much pressure to archieve a goal

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
168 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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