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In some cultures, children often told that

In some cultures, children often told that XnwpY
In many nations, adults often convince their children that they can reach their target if they work very hard. This opinion can lead great achievement, but some drawbacks also need to be considered. On the one hand, this message is beneficial to young generation who are positive about their future. Children may have lots of dreams but lack of motivation to push them to achieve target. Adults encourage and support them to reach their goal no matter how hard it is. Take many athletes for example, they needed to start training at a very young age. Since they had to sacrifice their time with friends, it became easily for them to give up training. At this time, adults play an important role to keep convey the message to them that working hard then they can win a championship. On the other hand, this message may not suitable for children who are too pessimistic. When children try their best, but the result is still not satisfactory, they may give up themselves on everything. Moreover, they may be under pressure when encounter frustration. Lots of people suicide today, because they believe that the world does not give them a chance although they already work so hard on their dream. Sometimes, it’s also important for adults to let children know how to accept failure. In conclusion, although it is beneficial to tell most young generation that working towards a goal always yield positive results, it can also lead negative results to some children.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
convince their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they can reach their target if they work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
. This opinion can lead great achievement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks
also
need to
be considered
.

On the one hand, this message is beneficial to young generation who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
about their future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
may have lots of dreams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lack of motivation to push them to achieve target.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Adults
encourage and support them to reach their goal no matter how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
it is. Take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
athletes
for example
, they needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
training at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age. Since they had to sacrifice their time with friends, it became
easily
for them to give up training. At this time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
convey the message to them that working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
then they can win a championship.

On the other hand
, this message may not suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are too pessimistic. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
try their best,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the result is
still
not satisfactory, they may give up themselves on everything.
Moreover
, they may be under pressure when encounter frustration. Lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suicide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that the world does not give them a chance although they already work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
on their dream.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, it’s
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know how to accept failure.

In conclusion
, although it is beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
most young generation that working towards a goal always yield
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results, it can
also
lead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay In some cultures, children often told that

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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