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Talk about a figure that you admire

Talk about a figure that you admire RVGkp
“Peace” is one of the most important and essential aspects of human lives. During the Covid-19 pandemic, I spent most of my day reading books since I found that there is a lot of interesting knowledge and events that impress me. I was fascinated with “Anne Frank”, she was a writer and has her own autobiography. The reason why I admire her is that she brought to the world the definition and importance of living in peace and showed the world how negative the war was even though she was just a teenager. Moreover, it opened my mind when I was reading that book. I realize that many people are fighting for their life and family. Anne Frank was a German girl and Jewish victim of the Holocaust who is famous for keeping a diary of her experiences. Anne and her family went into hiding for two years to avoid Nazi persecution. Her documentation of this time is now published in Anne Frank. Anne Frank's diary has become famous throughout the world. The diary provides a vivid and poignant glimpse into the world of a young Jewish girl living in Nazi-occupied Holland. Anne wrote a diary while hiding from the Nazis in an Amsterdam warehouse. She was just 13 when she and her family went into hiding. For two years the Franks lived in a secret annex at the back of Mr. Frank's business premises on Prinsengracht Street. Their living space was hidden by a movable bookshelf. The Frank family remained in their hiding place from 9 July 1942 to 4 August 1944, together with four other Jews, kept alive with the help of their non-Jewish Dutch office workers. They were eventually betrayed, and the family was deported to Westerbork camp and then to Auschwitz-Birkenau. In November 1944 Anne arrived with her sister Margot in Bergen-Belsen, where she fell ill and died of typhus in March 1945. After her death, she is an inspiration for all of us, from children to adults. She remembered and encouraged me to appreciate the little things in my life such as family and friends. Furthermore, Anne Frank and her book are touching and inspiring me and also many people around the world. It makes me think about the society that a person has to contribute to their life and keep the peace for the world. In my opinion, this book should be suggested for children at high school since it helps to educate students so much, help them know about the war, history, and peace.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Peace”
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and essential aspects of human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. During the Covid-19 pandemic, I spent most of my day reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
since I found that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
interesting knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that impress me. I
was fascinated
with “Anne Frank”, she was a writer and has her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
autobiography. The reason why I admire her is that she brought to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
the definition and importance of living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
the war was
even though
she was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.
Moreover
, it opened my mind when I was reading that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
. I realize that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are fighting for their life and family.

Anne Frank was a German girl and Jewish victim of the Holocaust who is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for keeping a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diary
of her experiences. Anne and her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
went into hiding for two years to avoid Nazi persecution. Her documentation of this time is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
published in Anne Frank. Anne Frank's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diary
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diary
provides a vivid and poignant glimpse into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of a young Jewish girl living in Nazi-occupied Holland. Anne wrote a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diary
while hiding from the Nazis in an Amsterdam warehouse. She was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
13 when she and her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
went into hiding. For two years the Franks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in a secret annex at the back of Mr. Frank's business premises on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Prinsengracht
Street. Their living space
was hidden
by a movable bookshelf. The Frank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
remained in their hiding place from 9 July 1942 to 4 August 1944, together with four other Jews,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
alive with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their non-Jewish Dutch office workers. They were
eventually
betrayed, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
was deported
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Westerbork
camp and then to Auschwitz-Birkenau. In November 1944 Anne arrived with her sister Margot in Bergen-Belsen, where she fell ill and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
of typhus in March 1945.

After her death, she is an inspiration for all of us, from children to adults. She remembered and encouraged me to appreciate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
things in my life such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends.
Furthermore
, Anne Frank and her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
are touching and inspiring me and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the society that a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
contribute to their life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. In my opinion, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
should
be suggested
for children at high school since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to educate students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them know about the war, history, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
.
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IELTS essay Talk about a figure that you admire

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
421 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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