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Talk a place you like to go to and why you like to go there? Give details for why you like to go there? v.1

Talk a place you like to go to and why you like to go there? Give details for why you like to go there? v. 1
There is no doubt that tobacco is an addictive substance whose harmful for our health. In addition, these days lots of people are smoking cigarettes and they don't think about all the issues that can cause all the substance in a cigarette. In this essay I'm going to talk about my disagreement about this statement that this should be illegal as well than drugs. Firstly, it's true that the percentage of people who smoke cigarettes is rising over the last century. This is an issue not only because those that consume tobacco can have a health problems also those who are close to them. An example of this could be the people who suffer cardiorespiratory issues. While there are those who smoke every day. However, are other that promise never smoke, but they're close to someone who does. Furthermore, cigarettes sometimes can be compared with drugs. Despite this, tobacco is legal and drugs are illegal. Moreover, there are those who wants that tobacco become illegal. But there is already a lot of advertising who tells how bad is to smoke the nicotine and all the issues that can induce their consume. To illustrate this point, when someone buys a package we can see publicity about the bad effects of smoke. Also in the street or metro there is a lot of advertising, who advise us that smoke can induce death or is not good for our health. To sum up, smoke cigarettes is not good for our health, but people who smoke are already concerned about the problem with that. Personally, their consume should not be illegal because each person who smoke knows all the bad effects associated with this. On the other hand, drugs have more controversial effects and they suppose a biggest problem in our society.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
is an addictive substance whose harmful for our health.
In addition
, these days lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are smoking
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cigarettes and
they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
that can cause all the substance in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
. In this essay I'm going to talk about my disagreement about this statement that this should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
as well
Comparison is written 'as well "as"'.
than
drugs.

Firstly
, it's true that the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
is rising over the last century. This is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those that consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
can have a health problems
also
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are close to them. An example of this could be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
suffer
Possible spelling mistake found.
cardiorespiratory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
there are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
every day.
However
, are other that promise never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they're close to someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
does.

Furthermore
,
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cigarettes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can
be compared
with drugs. Despite this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
is legal and drugs are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
.
Moreover
, there are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wants that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is already
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
the nicotine and all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
that can induce their consume. To illustrate this point, when someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
a package we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
publicity about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
.
Also
in the street or metro there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advertising,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
advise us that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
can induce death or is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our health.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
are already concerned about the problem with that.
Personally
, their consume should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
knows all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects associated with this.
On the other hand
, drugs have more controversial
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
effects and
they suppose
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
biggest problem in our society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk a place you like to go to and why you like to go there? Give details for why you like to go there? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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