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Talent is an important factor relating with one's personality and ability.

Talent is an important factor relating with one's personality and ability. emnB
Talent is an important factor relating with one's personality and ability. Some people insist that some children have specific talent, but others claim that any child can become talented person. Having the opportunity to express my opinion, I deem that the first opinion is close to true. Firstly, the talent has deep relation with children's interest. A talented child usually shows his or her interest when he or she meets specific things such as the instrument of music or sport. For example, many musicians have shown interest to music instruments since they were children. However, it is difficult for people who started playing music after 20 years old to become pro musician. Thus, talent is given to only some individuals. Secondly, it is sometimes happen that offsprings inherited the talent or special ability from their parents. For instance, the son of pro sport player might become pro player more than one who is from an ordinary family, Therefore, I can say that talent is sometimes innate ability. On the other hand, some individuals claim that as far as children learn specific things, they have possibility to play many kinds of sports and appriciate a lot of art. And some of them can play many sports well and show their sense of drawing picture, playing the piano and the guitar and so on. Thus, some say that people can possess ability if he or she learn these with appropriate way. To conclude, Still I strongly support the opinion that only some individuals have specific talent since when they were child, they show phenomenal talent compered with other children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Talent
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor relating with one's personality and ability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
insist that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others claim that any child can become talented person. Having the opportunity to express my opinion, I deem that the
first
opinion is close to true.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
has deep relation with children's interest. A talented child
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
interest when he or she meets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
things such as the instrument of music or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
musicians have shown interest to music instruments since they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, it is difficult for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
playing music after 20 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
to become pro musician.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals.

Secondly
, it is
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sometimes
Consider using a past participle here: "happened".
happen
that
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
inherited the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
or special ability from their parents.
For instance
, the son of pro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
player might become pro player more than one who is from an ordinary family,
Therefore
, I can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
innate ability.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals claim that as far as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
things, they have possibility to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
appriciate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
art. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them can play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
well and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their sense of drawing picture, playing the piano and the guitar and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can possess ability if he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "learns", "learned", "learnt".
learn
these with appropriate way.

To conclude
,
Still
I
strongly
support the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
since when they were child, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
phenomenal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
Did you mean the verb "compared" or the noun "compèred" (master of ceremonies)?
compered
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Talent is an important factor relating with one's personality and ability.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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