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some people believe that visitor to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree that the host country should welcome cultural difference.

some people believe that visitor to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree that the host country should welcome cultural difference. 0Pqn
In recent years the number of people visiting other countries had increased. People may visit other countries for tourism, some for studies and even for medical treatment. Some people believes that the host country should accept other cultures while some believes that the visitors should follow the host country customs as the say while in Rome, do as the Romans do. Firstly, when the foreigners visit other countries they carry their culture along with them. But, during their stay in the host country, if they adopt the local customs, it will be helpful for them to get better communication with the local people. Meanwhile, when they adjust themselves to the local people's behaviour, it will make them easier to socialise with them. Also, this will help local people to better understand the foreigners. Secondly, this will help the foreigner to have a good idea about local cultures and rituals. This understating helps our culture to spread globally, thereby more and more people get attracted toward the local culture. This, in turn, attracts a number of visitors from different country's to visit. This will help in increasing the tourism industry and also helps in giving employment opportunity in the related industries. On the other hand, when the foreigners share their culture and behavior with the local people it gives an opportunity to local people to a better understanding of their culture and characters. This will have an immense influence on local people's opinion about foreigners and their culture. Also, this helps them to identify the negative aspects of their culture and gives them an opportunity to correct it. To sum up, by considering the above benefits, I personally believe that the balanced exchange of cultures and behavior of foreigners with local people will benefit both the countries to come together and calm down if there are any frictions between the countries. Also, this will have a positive impact on the economy of both countries.
In recent years the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting
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other
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countries
had increased.
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People
may visit
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other
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countries
for tourism,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
for studies and even for medical treatment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
believes
that the host
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country
should accept
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other
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cultures
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believes that the visitors should follow the host
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country
customs as the say while in Rome, do as the Romans do.

Firstly
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
visit
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other
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countries
they carry their
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culture
along with them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, during their stay in the host
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country
, if they adopt the
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local
customs, it will be helpful for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better communication with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Meanwhile, when they adjust themselves to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them easier to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with them.
Also
, this will
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help
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local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to better understand the foreigners.

Secondly
, this will
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help
the
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foreigner
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about
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local
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cultures
and rituals. This understating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to spread globally, thereby more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted toward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. This, in turn, attracts a number of visitors from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country's to visit.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
This
will
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help
in increasing the tourism industry and
also
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helps
in giving employment opportunity in the related industries.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and behavior with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
it gives an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to a better understanding of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and characters. This will have an immense influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's opinion about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Also
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to identify the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and gives them an opportunity to correct it.

To sum up, by considering the above benefits, I
personally
believe that the balanced exchange of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and behavior of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will benefit both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together and calm down if there are any frictions between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Also
, this will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the economy of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.

IELTS essay some people believe that visitor to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree that the host country should welcome cultural difference.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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