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Sugar Consumption and its health issues

Sugar Consumption and its health issues XVk1A
Although sugar is an important reason for a lot of health issues, it is one of the top commodities that being traded in our world which makes it hard to formulate regulations to reduce its consumption, so who should be taking the lead to solve these health issues and what are the solutions that we can come up with to help eliminate these issues? History has shown that governments and health organizations have worked to regulate its consumption by issuing laws so that the health issues reduce therefore in the end the cost of treating and dealing with these issues is believed to be high, could be used in other areas to improve the lives of their nations in areas like education, technology and other unsolved health issues like cancer.
Although sugar is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason for
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a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, it is one of the top commodities that
being traded
in our world which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to formulate regulations to
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reduce
its consumption,
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so
who should be taking the lead to solve these
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health
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issues
and what are the solutions that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
eliminate these
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issues
? History has shown that
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governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
organizations have worked to regulate its consumption by issuing laws
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
therefore
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
the cost of treating and dealing with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
is believed
to be high, could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in other areas to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of their nations in areas like education, technology and other unsolved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
like cancer.
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IELTS essay Sugar Consumption and its health issues

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
130 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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