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Many children these days face difficulties to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the causes of this situation? What could be the possible solutions?

Many children these days face difficulties to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the causes of this situation? What could be the possible solutions? 5AwGm
Some children are facing problems to focus on their studding at school nowadays. This is because of teaching method at schools and including of tough subjects in learning curriculum. This essay will consider two main possible solutions to this issue. Perhaps the most important cause of difficulties in children concentration is the way of teaching at these schools. Some teachers actually beside having so much knowledge, their way of learning subjects to students are not in a good way. As a result, they could not pay attention so much on the subjects. Another key factor is containing of tough subjects such as mathematics on school curriculum, which of course would be discouraging for children. This means that these subjects would be difficult for students to handle them and so they will not focus on their studding. Fortunately, however, there are promising solutions to these issues. Firstly, Governmental and private schools should try to improve the way of teaching at schools by employing professional teachers and persuading of teachers to have a good method of learning. Secondly, government have to monitor the schools to not include the subjects, which is difficult for children to deal with. For example, mathematics subject which is boring for most of the students should not be at school’s curriculum and could be changed by other encouraging subject which is definitely help for concentration of children. In conclusion, concentrating of children is a major problem these days which is primarily caused by teaching method, along by including of tough subjects on school curriculum which could affect the children paying attention. I recommend that schools should take professional teachers and government aught to monitor the schools for including of tough subjects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are facing problems to focus on their studding at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
nowadays. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
method at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and including of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
. This essay will consider two main possible solutions to this issue.

Perhaps the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cause of difficulties in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
concentration is the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
at these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
actually beside having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much knowledge, their way of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to students are not in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.
As a result
, they could not pay attention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much on the subjects.

Another key factor
The verb 'containing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is containing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as mathematics on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
, which
of course
would be discouraging for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This means that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would be difficult for students to handle
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will not focus on their studding.

Fortunately
,
however
, there are promising solutions to these issues.
Firstly
, Governmental and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
by employing professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and persuading of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method of learning.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to not include the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, which is difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to deal with.
For example
, mathematics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which is boring for most of the students should not be at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
and could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by other encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which is definitely
Consider using a past participle here: "helped".
help
for concentration of children.

In conclusion
, concentrating of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a major problem these days which is
primarily
caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
method, along by including of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
which could affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
paying attention. I recommend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should take professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
aught to monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
for including of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.

IELTS essay Many children these days face difficulties to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the causes of this situation? What could be the possible solutions?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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