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SUCESSFUL SPORTS PROFESSIONALS CAN EARN A GREAT DEAL MORE MONEY THAN PEOPLE IN OTHER IMPORTANT PROFESSIONS. SOME PEOPLE THINK THIS IS FULLY JUSTIFIED WHILE OTHERS THINK IT IS UNFAIR. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

It is often argued that some successful sports athletes paid more than any other important professions. One group of people consider it fair while on the contrary, some believe its’s injustice to other professionals. In my opinion, other professionals must also get acknowledgement and high salaries. In this essay, I will discuss both views and my opinion in detail. Some people think that sports athletes make more money and gain more fame as compare to other professionals is justified. Athletes made considerable sacrifices in their personal lives to take in any sports. Moreover, some sports like rugby and cricket are risky, thus athletes are more prone to life threatening injuries. For example, the batsman named Phill from Australia, was hit by a ball on the helmet during the cricket match and because of head injury he died after two days. Sportsman often invest their whole life in particular sports they are playing, so paying them more is acceptable for some people. On the other hand, other group of thought think it is unfair for other professionals who don’t get as much money as sports athletes. Many professions namely medicine and engineering, also contributed in country’s prosperity but they worked on low wages. Doctors and engineers spend their significant time in studying and in research. For instance, world has faced one of the biggest pandemics in history which Coronavirus created all around the world. Doctors and technicians worked from dawn to dusk to help sick people. In return of all the services they offered to the people, they only get their basis salary. In conclusion, sportsman invest their lives for country’s pride and are often highly paid. While other professionals are not getting enough salary in regards of their services to nation. Government should come up with policies which can reduce this pay scale gap between different professionals.
It is
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often
argued that
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some
successful
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sports
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athletes
paid more than any
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other
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important
professions. One group of
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people
consider it
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fair
while
on the contrary
,
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some
believe
An apostrophe is never used to form possessive case pronouns. Did you mean: "its"?
its’
s injustice to
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other
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professionals
. In my opinion,
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other
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professionals
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must
also
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get
Possible spelling mistake. 'acknowledgement' is British English.
acknowledgement
and high salaries. In this essay, I will discuss both views and my opinion in detail.

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Some
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people
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think
that
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sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money and gain more fame as compare to
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other
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professionals
is justified
.
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Athletes
made considerable sacrifices in their personal
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lives
to take in any
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sports
.
Moreover
,
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some
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sports
like rugby and cricket are risky,
thus
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athletes
are more prone to life threatening injuries.
For example
, the batsman named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Phill
from Australia,
was hit
by a ball on the helmet during the cricket match and
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because
of head injury he
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died
after two days. Sportsman
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often
invest their whole life
in particular
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sports
they are playing,
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so
paying them more is acceptable for
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some
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people
.

On the
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other
hand,
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other
group of
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thought
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think
it is unfair for
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other
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professionals
who don’t
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get
as much money as
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sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
professions
namely
medicine and engineering,
also
contributed in country’s prosperity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they worked on low wages. Doctors and engineers spend their significant time in studying and in research.
For instance
, world has faced one of the biggest pandemics in history which Coronavirus created all around the world. Doctors and technicians worked from dawn to dusk to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In return of all the services they offered to the
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people
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their basis salary.

In conclusion
, sportsman invest their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for country’s pride and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
highly
paid.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
salary
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards of
their services to nation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with policies which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this pay scale gap between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
.
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IELTS essay SUCESSFUL SPORTS PROFESSIONALS CAN EARN A GREAT DEAL MORE MONEY THAN PEOPLE IN OTHER IMPORTANT PROFESSIONS. SOME PEOPLE THINK THIS IS FULLY JUSTIFIED WHILE OTHERS THINK IT IS UNFAIR. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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