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Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community works in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part of the society believes that youngsters should take a part in free social services. Because they think it could help them and society in the future. I strongly agree with this statement. Because as they learn to work for free they will learn that money is not everything and they will learn the importance of the values which fastly vanishing from society. As well as this could help them to build up teamwork with different range of people. Firstly, the present generation thinks that values mean money but, we can say values means loyalty, integrity, compassion, the responsibility of every human being who depends on us which the majority has forgotten. I believe when we release our teenagers to society to give their service to needy people they will get vast knowledge of these values. They will learn how to respect elders from good people around them. They will learn how to protect their future kids and they will learn to take care of their old parents as well as they will understand how much they are responsible to this world. Therefore I believe that foam our youngsters to free services will very effective to make them into good human beings. Secondly, as we can see some teenagers are very anti-social. They are more tend to use mobiles and isolated. It is a bad impact because once they mature and working at the office, they might not know the way to act in society and how to tolerate and respect fellow colleague's perpectives. Once they act as unpaid community workers they will gain that experience from working with various ranges of people. So on, I think in order to make a better person in the future, these volunteer community programs are important. To conclude, in order to develop a sense of values and to build up teamwork abilities, I believe that the experience as an unpaid community work service is the best option.
Part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
that youngsters should take a part in free social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in the future. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to work for free they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
that money is not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
everything and
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the importance of the values which
Possible spelling mistake found.
fastly
vanishing from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
As well
as this could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to build up teamwork with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
, the present generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that values mean money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, we can say values means loyalty, integrity, compassion, the responsibility of every human being who depends on us which the majority has forgotten. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
when we release our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
to needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
vast knowledge of these values. They will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to respect elders from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them. They will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to protect their future
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kids and
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to take care of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
parents
as well
as they will understand how much they are responsible to this world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that foam our youngsters to free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human beings.

Secondly
, as we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
anti-social. They are more tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobiles and isolated. It is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
once they mature and working at the office, they might not know the way to act in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and how to tolerate and respect
Consider using "colleague".
fellow colleague
's
Possible spelling mistake found.
perpectives
. Once they act as unpaid community workers they will gain that experience from working with various ranges of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
on, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better person in the future, these volunteer community programs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To conclude
, in order to develop a sense of values and to build up teamwork abilities, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the experience as an unpaid community work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is the best option.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community works in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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