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Successful sports professionals earn a lot of more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. v.1

Successful sports professionals earn a lot of more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 1
Sports, which was not given much importance till the recent past, but is now one of the most opted careers. Youngsters love to build careers in the athletic field. One makes a career in sports as they feel it can now become a profession, which was once a passion, when passion becomes profession obviously it is going to yield better results. I agree, successful sports professionals earn a lot of money than people in other important professions. The reasons are many, a sports person earns a fortune if he/ she wins a match, they don’t go empty handed even if they lose. But it is not the case with others, say it in business, corporate or any other sector. You win and earn, you lose and you get nothing. Today advertisement has opened the scope for successful sports people, they are chosen for commercials and they earn some extra money there too, not only that, they are invited as chief guests at places and they get a good amount there too. I feel it is fully justified as they have achieved their success with a lot of effort and what they are getting is the result of the hard work. So, let it be from the playing zone, the ads or some other place, they are getting what they deserve! Not everyone would think the same way, few people are of the opinion that other officials, business person has a ‘win and achieve’ or ‘loses and go’ life. So that should be the case with all, irrespective of what the individual does, and they think it is very much unfair on the part of the sports person to earn huge amount.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
, which was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
much importance till the recent past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
one of the most opted careers. Youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to build careers in the athletic field.

One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a career in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as they feel it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become a profession, which was once a passion, when passion becomes profession
obviously
it is going to yield better results. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
professions. The reasons are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earns
a fortune if he/ she wins a match, they don’t go
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
empty handed
even if they lose.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is not the case with others, say it in business, corporate or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sector. You win and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
, you lose and you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
nothing.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
advertisement has opened the scope for successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, they
are chosen
for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
commercials and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra money there too, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, they
are invited
as chief guests at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
places and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount there too.

I feel it is
fully
justified as they have achieved their success with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort and what they are getting is the result of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
it be from the playing zone, the ads or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
place, they are getting what they deserve!

Not everyone would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the same way, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
officials, business person has a ‘win and achieve’ or ‘loses and go’ life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that should be the case with all, irrespective of what the individual does, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much unfair on the part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
huge amount.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals earn a lot of more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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