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Successful sports professional can earn a great deal more money than people in other important profession. Some people think this is fully justified while other think that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Successful sports professional can earn a great deal more money than people in other important profession. Some people think this is fully justified while other think that it is unfair. v. 1
Although it is sometimes thought that sports people should have an equitable distribution of salary like others expert, some individuals believe that the focus should be on their activities like entertaining and hard-working rather than their salaries. In my opinion, I consider that it is their right that they earn a sizeable amount of wealth than other professionals. On the one hand, some individuals think that since professional athletes are industrious and entertaining, they had better earn a huge amount of salary and I agree. In other words, events and competitions attract many viewers which, consequently, numerous tickets are sold and many conglomerates put countless money on them to introduce their goods in order to generate more profit. As a result of this revenue for the sports industry, sports people ought to earn a sizeable load of money. In addition, being a top athlete requires hours of practice. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo wakes up at 5 o’clock and not only has he strenuous exercise but also has a strict diet. Therefore, they deserve to earn more money. On the other hand, it is often believed that sports people do not provide a vital service; therefore, they should not be paid more than other experts. For instance, football players earn numerous salaries by simple kicking a ball, in fact, we could all live happily without professional football. Moreover, we ought to value professional such as nurses and teachers some highly that has significant effects on our life. For example, teachers who teach in deprived areas play a vital role in children’s future; therefore, they are more likely to be useful for their society. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I think that sports people have well-deserved to earn a sizeable amount of money as they are amusing and striving.
Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have an equitable distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
like others expert,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that the focus should be on their activities like entertaining and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working
rather
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
. In my opinion, I consider that it is their right that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
a sizeable amount of wealth than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that since professional athletes are industrious and entertaining, they had better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and competitions attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
viewers which,
consequently
, numerous tickets
are sold
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conglomerates put countless money on them to introduce their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in order to generate more profit.
As a result
of this revenue for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
industry,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
a sizeable load of money.
In addition
, being a top athlete requires hours of practice.
For example
, Cristiano Ronaldo wakes up at 5 o’clock and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has he strenuous exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
has a strict diet.
Therefore
, they deserve to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more money.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not provide a vital service;
therefore
, they should not
be paid
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
experts.
For instance
, football players
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
by simple kicking a ball, in fact, we could all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
without professional football.
Moreover
, we ought to value professional such as nurses and teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
highly
that has significant effects on our life.
For example
, teachers who teach in deprived areas play a vital role in children’s future;
therefore
, they are more likely to be useful for their society.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have well-deserved to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
a sizeable amount of money as they are amusing and striving.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Successful sports professional can earn a great deal more money than people in other important profession. Some people think this is fully justified while other think that it is unfair. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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