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22. Successful sports professional can earn a great deal of money than people in other important profession. Some people think it is fully justify. Other think it is unfair. Discuss both views. Give your own opinion. Include relevant example from your own knowledge. v.1

22. Successful sports professional can earn a great deal of money than people in other important profession. Some people think it is fully justify. Other think it is unfair. Give your own opinion. Include relevant example from your own knowledge. v. 1
It is the fact that famous sport players are paid with extremely high salary worldwide. Some people support this; while, others believe it is unfair for other professionals in our societies. I personally agree with the former. The essay will discuss both views and presents my own opinion. To begin with, firstly, sport celebrities should be paid with huge salary because it takes a long journey for them to become famous globally. The majority of them start their training in their early childhood and left their families behind them. They went through the tough process which ordinary citizens are unable to tolerate. Secondly, they convey the optimistic spirit, become role models and take leadership responsibilities in our communities.  Last but not the least, they are hired by magnates which make extremely large profit from sports events; as a result,  they should be rewarded well as well. However, others believe that sports celebrities should not be pain such a huge amount of money for their jobs. Firstly, sports professionals merely provide entertainment to our lives.  The role of this professional in our societies may not be necessary as compared with other professionals, such as nurses, teachers, policemen, and so on. Without the latter's contribution, our societies won't function properly and won't provide harmonious living environments for citizens. hey may advocate that the latter occupations should deserve high payment. In my opinion, I support that it is fair for famous sports players to receive extremely high salaries because the above reasons. For example, renowned retired Olympic athlete, Jingjing Guo, has become a significant character in China. Moreover, she becomes the icon for many Chinese females and encourage them to pursue their dreams in the reality.   Therefore, she deserves to be rewarded with huge fee when she is invited to play in some commercial advertisements.
It is the fact that
famous
sport
players
are paid
with 
extremely
high salary worldwide.
Some
people
support this; while, others believe it is unfair for other professionals in our societies. I
personally
agree
with the former. The essay will discuss both views and presents my
own
opinion.

To
begin
with,
firstly
,
sport
celebrities should
be paid
with huge salary
because
 it takes a long journey for them to
become
famous
globally. The majority of them
start
their training in their early childhood and
left
their families behind them. They went through the tough process which ordinary citizens are unable to tolerate.
Secondly
, they convey the optimistic spirit,
become
role models and take leadership responsibilities in our communities.  Last
but
not the least, they
are hired
by magnates which
make
extremely
large profit from
sports
events
;
as a result
,
 
they should
be rewarded
well
as well
.

However
, others believe that
sports
celebrities should not be pain such a huge amount of money for their jobs.
Firstly
,
sports
professionals
merely
provide entertainment to our
lives
.  The role of this professional in our societies may not be necessary as compared with other professionals, such as nurses, teachers, policemen, and
so
on. Without the latter's contribution, our societies won't function
properly
and won't provide harmonious living environments for citizens.
hey
may advocate that the latter occupations should deserve high payment.

In my opinion, I support that it is
fair
for
famous
sports
players to receive
extremely
high salaries
because
the above reasons.
For example
, renowned retired Olympic athlete,
Jingjing
Guo
, has
become
a significant character in China.
Moreover
, she
becomes
the icon for
many
Chinese females and encourage them to pursue their dreams in the reality.
 
Therefore
, she deserves to 
be rewarded
with huge fee when she
is invited
to play in
some
commercial advertisements.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay 22. Successful sports professional can earn a great deal of money than people in other important profession. Some people think it is fully justify. Other think it is unfair. Give your own opinion. Include relevant example from your own knowledge. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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