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successful life depends on how much money we earned. discuss your opinion

successful life depends on how much money we earned. discuss your opinion le6Pw
I believe that success has many facets. Having money can be one part of success. Having good relationships is another very important part of success. So is feeling fulfilled. Everybody needs money, but the amount of money necessary depends on each person's goals. For example, one person may want a lot of material things, like fancy cars and big houses. For this person, a lot of money is important. Another person may need money to pay for food and shelter so that she is then free to do the things she enjoys doing. For this person, the amount of money required is much less. Everybody needs to have good relationships. Even a multi-millionaire is not successful if he or she does not have close connections with other people. If a woman always fights with her husband, if a man's children refuse to speak to him, if adult children never see their parents, they cannot be considered successful people. Everybody needs to feel fulfilled. It is important to develop skills and talents and pursue interests. It is important to spend time doing things that are enjoyable or meaningful. A person who is unhappy at work, for example, cannot be considered successful no matter how big his salary is. A person who spends evenings and weekends just sitting in front of the 1V cannot be considered successful, either. Money and the material things it can buy may be one part of success, but non-material things like relationships and self-fulfillment are just as important.
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facets. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be one part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationships is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
is feeling fulfilled.

Everybody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
necessary depends on each person's goals.
For example
, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
may want
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
material things, like fancy cars and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. For this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to pay for food and shelter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that she is then free to do the things she enjoys doing. For this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
required is much less.

Everybody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationships. Even a multi-millionaire is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
if he or she does not have close connections with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. If a woman always fights with her husband, if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
's children refuse to speak to him, if adult children never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their parents, they cannot
be considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Everybody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to feel fulfilled. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and talents and pursue interests. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to spend time doing things that are enjoyable or meaningful. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who is unhappy at work,
for example
, cannot
be considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
no matter how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
his salary is. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who spends evenings and weekends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sitting in front of the 1V cannot
be considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
, either.

Money and the material things it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
may be one part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
non-material things like relationships and self-fulfillment are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
.
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IELTS essay successful life depends on how much money we earned. discuss your opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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