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Success is often measured by wealth and material possessions. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

Success is often measured by wealth and material possessions. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? g55BA
Some people think that richness is the measurement of being successful. Because of different paths towards success and its temporary characteristic, I believe that material possessions are not the key to judge whether someone is successful or not. Personally, the keys leading to achievement comprise the patience and the right context. Wealth is absolutely not a measurement of being successful. Each person has their own definition of success so that success is not always linked to money. To clarify, orphanage children always desire for warmth which may their only goal of life. Because material possession is a short-term factor maintaining in a world of instant changes in order that it couldn’t be a measurement of success. For example, a famous company with a strong economic power could bankrupt no matter when. Therefore, richness is not the key to measure whether a person is successful or not. There are many factors that make people achieve their goal. Firstly, people who are patient or persistent find it easier to meet their purposes than the others. They always try their best to achieve their goals regardless of failure. For instance, Thomas Edison, although he didn’t go to high school, he still researched and studied; then he became one of greatest inventors of the world. Secondly, the following factor leads to success is the context. The right context will help people develop their business rapidly. To clarify, there are a huge number of talents but a few of them can grab a chance and become successful. Therefore, those factors are the keys bring people to their aims. Conclusively, due to different perceptions and impermanent feature, wealth is not the measurement of being successful. I am convinced that persistent people combining with appropriate context will lead to the steady success.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that richness is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measurement
of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
paths towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and its temporary characteristic, I believe that material possessions are not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
key
to judge whether someone is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
or not.
Personally
, the keys leading to achievement comprise the patience and the right context.

Wealth is
absolutely
not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measurement
of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. Each person has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is not always linked to money. To clarify, orphanage children always desire for warmth which may their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
goal of life.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
material possession is a short-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
maintaining in a world of instant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in order that it couldn’t be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measurement
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
For example
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with a strong economic power could bankrupt no matter when.
Therefore
, richness is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
key
to measure whether a person is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
or not.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
achieve their goal.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are patient or persistent find it easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their purposes than the others. They always try their best to achieve their goals regardless of failure.
For instance
, Thomas Edison, although he didn’t go to high school, he
still
researched and studied; then he became one of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the greatest".
greatest
inventors of the world.
Secondly
, the following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is the context. The right context will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop their business
rapidly
. To clarify, there are a huge number of talents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few of them can grab a chance and become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
Therefore
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are the keys bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to their aims.

Conclusively
, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perceptions and impermanent feature, wealth is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measurement
of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. I
am convinced
that persistent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
combining with appropriate context will lead to the steady
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
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IELTS essay Success is often measured by wealth and material possessions. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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