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Success is often measured by materials and wealth. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a person successful. v.1

Success is often measured by materials and wealth. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a person successful. v. 1
It is the harsh reality of today 's society that only those with expensive cars and big houses or possessions are considered as successful people. However, I think that people are not only successful by money, but there are other factors too, which will be discussed in the further paragraphs. It is irrefutable, why people hold such perception that wealthy people are successful. People become successful because of their responsibilities, position or power they hold in the market or in the company. So higher the position, the higher the responsibility and that leads to higher salaries. That is why, people who earn more money are considered as successful. Furthermore, only rich people can purchase expensive things so individual with high lifestyle are considered among successful people. Nevertheless, the meaning of success is not the same for everyone and not every successful person earns 6 or 7 digits a month. It can also be measured in terms of social values, good deeds, good character, winning a gold medal for their own country or it could be anything. Paradigm, for parents, when a child takes the first step, is a success for them is a success. To recapitulate, I believe that, money can be a measure of success, but it is not the best measure. Money can be earned in any part of life, but what is important and the best trait of success is to become a good character individual. The term "Success" is totally dependent upon the perspective of people and its meaning changes from person to person.
It is the harsh reality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those with expensive cars and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
or possessions
are considered
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are other factors too, which will
be discussed
in the
further
paragraphs.

It is irrefutable, why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold such perception that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their responsibilities, position or power they hold in the market or in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
higher the position, the higher the responsibility and that leads to higher salaries.
That is
why,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are considered
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
expensive things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
individual with high lifestyle
are considered
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Nevertheless
, the meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is not the same for everyone and not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
person earns 6 or 7 digits a month. It can
also
be measured
in terms of social values,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
deeds,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
character, winning a gold medal for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country or it could be anything. Paradigm, for parents, when a child takes the
first
step, is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
for them is a success.

To recapitulate, I believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be a measure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the best measure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
can
be earned
in any part of life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and the best trait of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
character individual. The term
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Success
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
is
totally
dependent upon the perspective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and its meaning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
from person to person.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Success is often measured by materials and wealth. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a person successful. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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