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Success is measure by how much money you make. Do you agree or not with this statement? Give clear explanations for your choice

Success is measure by how much money you make. Give clear explanations for your choice qR5bp
Most people believed that the amount of money making by ourselves is the measurement for the level of success in life. While I accept that this statement is true, I also believe that success can be measured by how happy and satisfied we are in the daily life. On the one hand, I think that making a great deal of money would help to cover the day-today expense of living. This would leads to the more independence of finance for each person. Another point that needs to be mentioned is that the more money is made, the more admiration from the relatives such as friends, acquaintances, … It is also said that numorous praise and congratulation can be heard for people making lots of money. On the other hand, I personally believe that this is note the only factor to define the success for anyone in their life. This is because in recent years, many people has been reported to feel lonely and empty in life as they are trying to make a living and earn more money through working desperatedly. Therefore, I consider that maintaining a good mental life is one of the best ways to success. As having the good condition for the mentality, people tend to have more power and motivation to work and live better, which would improve the productivity of the job and higher quality for daily life. In conclusion, although success can be measured by how much money is made, it seems to me that improving the personal mentality is by far the most realistic evaluation.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believed that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
making by ourselves is the measurement for the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. While I accept that this statement is true, I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
can
be measured
by how happy and satisfied we are in the daily life.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that making a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to cover the day-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
expense of living. This would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "lead"
leads
to the more independence of finance for each person. Another point that needs to
be mentioned
is that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is made
, the more admiration from the relatives such as friends, acquaintances, … It is
also
said that
Possible spelling mistake found.
numorous
praise and congratulation can
be heard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
making lots of money.

On the other hand
, I
personally
believe that this is note the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor to define the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
for anyone in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been reported
to feel lonely and empty in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as they are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living and earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
through working
Possible spelling mistake found.
desperatedly
.
Therefore
, I consider that maintaining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is one of the best ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. As having the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition for the mentality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to have more power and motivation to work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the productivity of the job and higher quality for daily life.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
can
be measured
by how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is made
, it seems to me that improving the personal mentality is by far the most realistic evaluation.
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IELTS essay Success is measure by how much money you make. Give clear explanations for your choice

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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