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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Success comes from possessing money and power Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Success comes from possessing money and power Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer E3qkB
Apparently, everyone wants to be successful in his/her life because that is the goal of one’s life. Money and power make difference in human’s life but not as do by happiness and hard work. Some people may believe that success comes from possessing money and power. However, I do not agree with that statement because all success which we get in our life is just because hard work. I think this because of following reasons. First, to get success it’s necessary to stay positive during your life journey. You have to be optimistic to reach to your goal. If you do not be patient then, your money and power are meaningless. For example, two years ago, Bollywood actor named Jiya Khan did suicide in her apartment in Mumbai. She was brilliant actor; she achieved fame in age of 25. She wanted to be successful in Bollywood and Hollywood industries. She had lots of money and she was daughter of judge so, obviously, she had power too. However, after doing few movies, she did not get a single offer for movies. She was desperately wanted one. She was suffering from depression and was taking anti-depressive medications. Moreover, she was not optimistic at all; she spoiled her relationship with her boyfriend because she couldn’t able to control her stress. On one evening, she tied her shelf to the ceiling fan. She wrote suicide note that she did this because she could not able to achieve her success. If she would stay positive then she might be alive in this beautiful world. I learnt from this incidence, its more important to stay positive towards your life to get success. Second, hard work is a key for success. Nothing can replace with hard work, if you want to achieve success there is no shortcut or alternate route. You must have to do it in order to be successful. For example, I remember back in 2000, my cousin started his bachelor in Pharmacy in India. He was not intelligent but he still wanted to get the Pharmacy license. When he applied for his admission, he rejected by it. My uncle, he is a very powerful business person, so he paid some amount to the university in black and they gave him admission. My cousin, he was not attending his classes and was enjoying in the cafeteria with his friends. He was not doing study at all. However, he got his score in the college exam by paying money to the professor. When time for final exams came, he could not able to write paper well. Additionally, he could not pay for it, because board authority arranged the final exam. Therefore, he failed in his first semester. After he got his result, he decided to quit his study and he did. If he did hard work for it, he might able to achieve his degree. He was depended on money and power, which are not keys for success. To wrap up all, I strongly believe that success does not come from possessing money and power. It comes from hard work and from positive attitude to determine your goal of success. It is good to use money and power but hard work is equally important consideration for success.
Apparently
, everyone wants to be successful in his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that is
the goal of one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
difference in human’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not as do by happiness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from possessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of following reasons.

First
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
it’s necessary to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
during your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
journey. You
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be optimistic to reach to your goal. If you do not be patient then, your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
are meaningless.
For example
, two years ago, Bollywood actor named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jiya
Khan did suicide in her apartment in Mumbai. She
Please check whether an article is missing: "was a brilliant" or "was an brilliant"
was brilliant
actor; she achieved fame in age of 25. She wanted to be successful in Bollywood and Hollywood industries.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
She
had lots of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
she was daughter of judge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
obviously
, she had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
too.
However
, after doing few movies, she did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a single offer for movies. She was
desperately
wanted one. She was suffering from depression and was taking anti-depressive medications.
Moreover
, she was not optimistic at all; she spoiled her relationship with her boyfriend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she couldn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to control her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. On one evening, she tied her shelf to the ceiling fan. She wrote suicide note that she did this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to achieve her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. If she
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
then she might be alive in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
world. I
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from this incidence, its more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
towards your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is a key for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. Nothing can replace with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, if you want to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
there is no shortcut or alternate route. You
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do it in order to be successful.
For example
, I remember back in 2000, my cousin
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
his bachelor in Pharmacy in India. He was not intelligent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
still
wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the Pharmacy license. When he applied for his admission, he rejected by it. My uncle, he is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
powerful business person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount to the university in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
black and
they gave him admission. My cousin, he was not attending his classes and was enjoying in the cafeteria with his friends. He was not doing study at all.
However
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
his score in the college exam by paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the professor. When time for final exams came, he could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to write paper well.
Additionally
, he could not pay for it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
board authority arranged the final exam.
Therefore
, he failed in his
first
semester. After he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
his result, he decided to quit his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
study and
he did. If he did
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for it, he might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to achieve his degree. He
was depended
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
, which are not keys for success.

To wrap up all, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from possessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
attitude to determine your goal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
consideration for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
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IELTS essay Success comes from possessing money and power Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
541 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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