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Succesful sports professionals can earn a great deal of more money than other important professions

Succesful sports professionals can earn a great deal of more money than other important professions 95KEx
These days, the majority of sportsmen may earn a lot money in comparison with other essantial jobs. Consequently, some people believe that this is completely true whereas other people argue that it is unjustified. In this essay, I will look at both these sides and support my opinion. There is no doubt that the government gives successfull sports professionals some prizes such as car, house or more money in order to encourge them. First of all, if they take part in the international tournament and take first place, they will make a profound contribution. As a result, the government pays much more attention to them. Secondly, a lot of popular sportsmen are really active in social media like Instagram. This is because nowadays, it is one of the easiest way to earn more money. We can witness that every well-known sports professionals have their own accounts and so many subscribers in it. What i mean by this is that the more subscribers you have, the more money you can earn. On the other hand, this is true that some people might complain about why they earn less money than sportsmen. The reason is that we have the number of professions which are more significant such as doctors than sports professions. They also want to earn as much money as successful sports professionals. In addition, they desire that the government prioritizes commitment to take responsibility for important jobs. All things considered, as you can see from the points made in this essay, although other crucial jobs play a huge role, sportsmen make lots of exercise in comparion with them. Personally, I think successful sports professionals deserve to earn highly paid.
These days, the majority of sportsmen may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
a lot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
essantial
jobs.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this is completely true whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it
is unjustified
. In this essay, I will look at both these sides and support my opinion.

There is no doubt that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
gives
Possible spelling mistake found.
successfull
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prizes such as car,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to
Possible spelling mistake found.
encourge
them.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the international tournament and take
first
place, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profound contribution.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
pays much more attention to them.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
popular sportsmen are
really
active in social media like Instagram. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays, it is one of the easiest way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. We can witness that every well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
accounts and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subscribers in it. What
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
mean by this is that the more subscribers you have, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
you can earn.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, this is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might complain about why they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than sportsmen. The reason is that we have the number of professions which are more significant such as doctors than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
professions. They
also
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
.
In addition
, they desire that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
prioritizes commitment to take responsibility for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
jobs.

All things considered, as you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the points made in this essay, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
crucial jobs play a huge role, sportsmen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
lots of exercise in
Possible spelling mistake found.
comparion
with them.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
deserve to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
highly
paid.
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IELTS essay Succesful sports professionals can earn a great deal of more money than other important professions

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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