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Subjects such as drama and music are just as important as math and languages. Do you agree?

Subjects such as drama and music are just as important as math and languages. Do you agree? 3W9V5
One of the hottest matters which has been recently brought into debate is subjects like drama and music ought to be essential like maths and language at school. In my opinion, I cast no doubt on this statement, so this essay would attempt to shed light on the primary cause of this situation. Firstly, Vietnam's education curriculum pays attention to mathematics and Literature as those subjects are compulsory to pass the exam. Especially entrance to the university. Moreover, not only students but also teachers and parents spend most of their time concentrating on mainstream lessons. Thus, they couldn’t have enough time for non academic subjects. Secondly, when people go to universities, lessons that are suitable for jobs would be learned instead of studying important classes. Moreover, which are useful subjects must depend on their career choices. For instance, they must study recreational classes such as drawing, if they want to become an artist. Thirdly, all of those lessons bring benefits to adolescents' development. With academic subjects, students could broaden their knowledge, solve many logical problems in real life. In addition, pupils could discover their potentials like singing, drawing through non academic subjects. Furthermore, they would also practice social skills. In a nutshell, I agree with that idea. Moreover, both of those subjects should be taught equally in school since they play an important role in the enhancement of toddler and are necessary for a future career
One of the hottest matters which has been recently brought into debate is
subjects
like drama and music ought to be essential like
maths
and language at school. In my opinion, I cast no doubt on this statement,
so
this essay would attempt to shed light on the primary cause of this situation.

Firstly
, Vietnam's education curriculum pays attention to mathematics and Literature as those
subjects
are compulsory to pass the exam.
Especially
entrance to the university.
Moreover
, not
only
students
but
also
teachers and parents spend most of their time concentrating on mainstream lessons.
Thus
, they couldn’t have
enough
time for
non academic
subjects.

Secondly
, when
people
go to universities, lessons that are suitable for jobs would
be learned
instead
of studying
important
classes.
Moreover
, which are useful
subjects
must
depend on their career choices.
For instance
, they
must
study recreational classes such as drawing, if they want to become an artist.

Thirdly
, all of those lessons bring benefits to adolescents' development. With academic
subjects
, students could broaden their knowledge, solve
many
logical problems in real life.
In addition
, pupils could discover their potentials like singing, drawing through
non academic
subjects
.
Furthermore
, they would
also
practice social
skills
.

In a nutshell, I
agree
with that
idea
.
Moreover
, both of those
subjects
should
be taught
equally
in school since they play an
important
role in the enhancement of toddler and are necessary for a future career
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IELTS essay Subjects such as drama and music are just as important as math and languages. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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