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study in abroad write your opinion

study in abroad write your opinion LwKqn
I have known in my heart since I was a little girl what I wanted to be when I grew up. It was not a stereotypical child’s dream such as a doctor or an astronaut; my vision was instead something that has shaped my actions and decisions throughout my life. In the last few years I have realized that my passion for conserving the environment is a natural calling that I am destined to follow. This intuitive notion solidified while visiting my mother in Maryland a few summers ago. In my old bedroom my mother has kept framed memorabilia from my childhood. One night before I went to sleep I looked on the bed-stand to find an old article that dated back to my third year of elementary school. After rereading this article thirteen years later, with a smile, I recognized my destiny is and has always been devoting my career to the conservation and preservation of our ecosystems. In my third grade class we attempted to introduce higher biodiversity along a creek through adding plants, which in turn attracts other organisms. Some of the older teenagers had rampaged through and stole our plants while trampling the beautiful ecosystem. I wanted to send a message to stop such destruction and the following article ended up in our town newspaper. Although I was only in third grade, the destruction of the environment affected me more deeply than most of my fellow classmates and continues to do so today. I wish to embark on an educational journey to beautiful Montverde, Costa Rica for the Tropical Ecology and Conservation program in the Spring of 2009. In order to take this step in my educational career, I am applying for financial aid through the John E. Bowman Travel Grants, CIEE International Study Programs Scholarships, and the Jennifer Ritzmann Scholarship for studies in Tropical Biology. Throughout my life I have always been passionate about contributing to the conservation our earth. It became clear to me upon entering my college career that my focus should be in wildlife conservation. When I learned about this program I became ecstatic. Partaking in this unique opportunity will prepare me for my future career goals and aid to my growth as a conservationist and a young woman. While participating in this program I will apply the knowledge and resources learned during the courses that I take in Costa Rica to real world situations. I will be working in the field amongst other scientists and gaining hands on experience, which will enrich my current education and my future career. Furthermore, I will be able to contribute to the conservation of the tropical forest through my education as well as gain a better cultural understanding of the world around me. I come from a broken home and was raised by my mother on a very low income. Thus I do not receive any financial support from my family and little from the federal government to fund my college education. Therefore my financial needs are very high. Throughout my life I have strived to achieve my goals solely on hard work and determination. For example, the last five years that I have attended school I have struggled to receive enough federal loans to pay my tuition and have been working at night while attending school in order to barely scrap by. However, I feel like this makes me a stronger person and gives me greater passion for what I am trying to achieve. At this moment in time my situation is even more extreme than ever. Instead of working full time all summer to save money, I have been going to summer school in order to complete required courses before I depart for this program in the spring. The demands of summer school leave me no time for a part-time employment. Consequently, in order for me embark on this incredible opportunity I am extremely reliant on grants and scholarships to see this experience come to fruition. These scholarships and grants will assist me in achieving my goals through supporting my trip expenses in Costa Rica. In essence they will allow me to receive an excellent education in an amazing country as well as apply this knowledge to help conserve our precious ecosystems that are in danger of ultimate destruction and demise. Likewise, by supporting my education these funds will enable me to spread my newfound insight and knowledge to further educate the people around me as I plan to teach in conservation programs such as the Student Conservation Corps. I thank you so much for your consideration.
I have known in my heart since I was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
girl what I wanted to be when I grew up. It was not a stereotypical child’s dream such as a doctor or an astronaut; my vision was
instead
something that has shaped

my actions and decisions throughout my life. In the last few years I have realized that my passion for conserving the environment is a natural calling that I
am destined
to follow. This intuitive notion solidified while visiting my mother in Maryland a few summers ago. In my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
bedroom my mother has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
framed

memorabilia from my childhood. One night
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I went to sleep I looked on the bed-stand to find an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
article that dated back to my third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. After rereading this article thirteen years later, with a smile, I recognized my destiny is and has always been devoting my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conservation
and

preservation of our ecosystems. In my third grade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
we attempted to introduce higher biodiversity along a creek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
adding plants, which in turn attracts other organisms.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
had rampaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
and stole our plants while trampling the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
ecosystem. I wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a message to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
such destruction and the following article ended up in our town newspaper. Although I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in third grade, the destruction of the environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
me more
deeply
than most of my
Consider using "classmates".
fellow classmates
and continues to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. I wish to embark on an educational journey to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
Possible spelling mistake found.
Montverde
, Costa Rica for the Tropical Ecology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Conservation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
in the Spring of 2009. In order to take this step in my educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, I am applying for financial aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the John E. Bowman Travel Grants,
Possible spelling mistake found.
CIEE
International Study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Programs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scholarships
, and the Jennifer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ritzmann
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scholarship
for studies in Tropical Biology. Throughout my life I have always been passionate about contributing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conservation
our earth. It became
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to me upon entering my college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that my focus should be in wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conservation
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I

learned about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
I became ecstatic. Partaking in this unique opportunity will prepare me for my future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
goals and aid to my growth as a conservationist and a young woman. While participating in this

program I will apply the knowledge and resources learned during the courses that I take in Costa Rica to real

world situations. I will be working in the field amongst other scientists and gaining hands on experience, which

will enrich my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and my future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
Furthermore
, I will be able to contribute to the

conservation of the tropical forest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as well
as gain a better cultural understanding of the

world around me.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from a broken home and
was raised
by my mother on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low income.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I do not receive

any financial support from my family and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
from the federal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to fund my college education.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
my financial needs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high. Throughout my life I have strived to achieve my goals
solely
on

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and determination.
For example
, the last five years that I have attended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
I have struggled to

receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
federal loans to pay my tuition and have been working at night while attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in order

to
barely
scrap by.
However
, I feel like this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me a stronger person and gives me greater passion for what I

am trying to achieve.

At this moment in time my situation is even more extreme than ever.
Instead
of working full time all

summer to save money, I have been going to summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in order to complete required courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I

depart for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
in the spring. The demands of summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
me no time for a part-time

employment.
Consequently
, in order for me embark on this incredible opportunity I am
extremely
reliant on

grants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholarships
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to fruition.

These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholarships
and grants will assist me in achieving my goals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
supporting my trip expenses

in Costa Rica. In
The comma is probably missing here: "essence, they".
essence they
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to receive an excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in an amazing country
as well
as

apply this knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
conserve our precious ecosystems that are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of ultimate destruction and

demise.
Likewise
, by supporting my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
these funds will enable me to spread my newfound insight and

knowledge to
further
educate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around me as I plan to teach in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conservation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
such as the

Student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Conservation
Corps. I thank you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much for your consideration.
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IELTS essay study in abroad write your opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
764 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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