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Many people work long hours leaving leisure activities. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Many people work long hours leaving leisure activities. What are the advantages and disadvantages? Bae8w
It is true that since a number of people work more time, they have a small amount of time for extra activities. Much as this has some merits icluding earning more money and a promotion at work, there are certain drawbacks that should be overcome. This essay will discuss both sides of the debate. One of the main positive sides of working overtime is to make more money. To elaborate further, working for long hours at the workplace leads to more spent improving their standars of living such as satisfying desired wants and needs. Moreover, it is of great assistance for employees to get a promotion at work. That is to say, were employees to work overtime and hard, they would accept a great job offer. This is because companies need many candidates who work hard and smart to be in the competittion and guard their position, as a result of which, companies can provide them with not only good job, but also generous benefits, such as a company car. Turning to stumbling blocks of the issue, a number of employees face health issues by working longer duration. For instance, jobs like computer operators require more sitting in front of screen which might cause back pain, as well as eye diseases, such as eye strain and blurry vision. Furthermore, workers who have longer working can not give proper time to their loved ones. So it can bring in some serious repercussions such as erosion of family bonding. To recapitulate, considering both advantages and disadvantages of working overtime, I am of the belief that humankind can achieve the life and job they want without having to work for longer period.
It is true that since a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more time, they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of time for extra activities. Much as this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits
Possible spelling mistake found.
icluding
earning more money and a promotion at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, there are certain drawbacks that should
be overcome
. This essay will discuss both sides of the debate.

One of the main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money. To elaborate
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for long hours at the workplace leads to more spent improving their
Possible spelling mistake found.
standars
of living such as satisfying desired wants and needs.
Moreover
, it is of great assistance for employees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a promotion at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
That is
to say, were employees to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, they would accept a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offer. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
candidates who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and smart to be in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
competittion
and guard their position,
as a result
of which,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can provide them with not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
generous benefits, such as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
car.

Turning to stumbling blocks of the issue, a number of employees face health issues by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
longer duration.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
like computer operators require more sitting in front of screen which might cause back pain,
as well
as eye diseases, such as eye strain and blurry vision.
Furthermore
, workers who have longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
can not give proper time to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it can bring in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious repercussions such as erosion of family bonding.

To recapitulate, considering both advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime, I am of the belief that humankind can achieve the life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they want without having to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for longer period.
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IELTS essay Many people work long hours leaving leisure activities. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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